scottsimpson
- I know, I know, you're attracted to ladies with long legs. But HOW MANY long legs?4:03 PM Jul 2nd from Birdhouse
- Happy Canada Day to my wife and to the half of each of my children that I love very slightly less.3:33 PM Jul 1st from Birdhouse
- Just asked the barista for "that third cookie on the left, there" so that I didn't have to say "craisin."3:24 PM Jul 1st from Birdhouse
- @BillCorbett Please stop frying so much (unhealthy).2:23 PM Jun 30th from Twitterrific in reply to BillCorbett
- Manga is the English ivy of bookstores. http://flic.kr/p/6ApF9J11:22 PM Jun 28th from Flickr
- An astute wife will notice that her husband and children are meeting her at the airport in the same clothes they dropped her off in.3:00 PM Jun 28th from Birdhouse
- My son's speech "Why I Love Guacamole More than Dad" was mostly unintelligible but passionately argued.9:19 AM Jun 28th from Birdhouse
- I was going to write, "Ouch, I think I tore both labra on the Slip n' Slide," but it came out "labia," which is incorrect but more true.5:42 PM Jun 27th from web
- Slides Across America HAS A T-SHIRT, thanks to genius @jasonpermenter. Still needed: celebrities, $8,000,000. http://bit.ly/slippn4:11 PM Jun 27th from web
- People, Slides Across America is totally doable. We would need 959,310 slides ($8,154,136). Get some celebs, pick a charity, make a T-shirt…1:06 PM Jun 27th from web
- Slip 'n Slides are $8 at Toys R Us. Idea: Slides Across America.1:01 PM Jun 27th from web
- Just me & the kids this weekend. Bad Dad U in session. Saturday's curriculum: ALC102 Perfect Margaritas. Sunday: SAD319 Silent Rage Seminar.7:52 PM Jun 26th from web
- I have been to the valley of the music magazines and have brought you back some bad news: there is now a genre called "Smooth Praise."3:51 PM Jun 26th from Birdhouse
- First, I read jokes about jokes about the event. Then jokes about the event. Then the event itself. The Twitter News Cycle is tiring.4:11 PM Jun 24th from Twitterrific
- I think I've discovered the Holy Grail of good advice. First aid, sex, negotiation, whatever, this phrase always works: "Apply pressure."9:33 AM Jun 24th from Twitterrific
- Lapham's Quarterly should be called Lapham's Fancy Toilet Topper.8:54 AM Jun 23rd from Birdhouse
- In my defense, at no point during the discussion of Wish #3 did the genie indicate that a priapism is considered a medical emergency.5:05 PM Jun 22nd from Twitterrific
- I just discovered a new talent: I can tell you which character from The Wire you most resemble. Answer: Snot Boogie. You're all Snot Boogie.8:47 AM Jun 22nd from Twitterrific
- Playing real-life versions of video games. Today: Mario Cart: http://flic.kr/p/6y532H5:05 PM Jun 20th from Flickr
- I built a towel fort for my doll collection in the locker room, and now the gym staff all call me "Mr. Simpson." That's respect.3:35 PM Jun 19th from Twitterrific
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- Name Scott Simpson
- Location Los Altos Retirement Community
- Web http://youlooknic...
- Bio "Shame is sexy"
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