sarkastickunt
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Nothing tests the strength of a relationship like being in a car for four hours. We'll either be stronger or crippled when the day is done.
6:01 AM Nov 7th
from TwitterBerry
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Hot Friday night sex AKA watching the inside of our eyelids starts...NOW!
6:52 PM Nov 6th
from TwitterBerry
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Pretending to not know how to use Google Wave is the new when will you get the hint and stop fucking messaging me.
12:32 PM Nov 6th
from web
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I am so sick of dick jokes. All day long, it's nothing but cock tales. I feel an all day rant about my vagina coming on.
11:59 AM Nov 6th
from Tumblr
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Walmart shoppers aren't so bad, you guys. After a delousing and a tetanus shot, I'm as good as new.
10:44 AM Nov 6th
from Tumblr
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I was worried about going shopping without a bra on until I realized that I'm going to Walmart, where couth and good judgment go to die.
6:49 AM Nov 6th
from Tumblr
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This day is turning out to be so effin' fantastic, I'm going to tattoo its name on my tit.
6:14 AM Nov 6th
from TwitterBerry
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I woke up and didn't know what day it was. I haven't been this confused since the time my beer got spiked at a Metallica concert.
4:22 AM Nov 6th
from TwitterBerry
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Listening to 80's music doesn't mean I'm trapped in the past. Shut up, these leg warmers and ripped sweat shirt are super comfy.
3:23 PM Nov 5th
from Tumblr
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I know I cant be happy every second, of every day. But I am happy TODAY. And that's all that matters.
2:34 PM Nov 5th
from web
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Listening to someone noisily chew pretzels isn't half as annoying as trying to get their blood out of your carpet.
8:48 AM Nov 5th
from TwitterBerry
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My used tissues falling out of the bottom of my bra today made me feel like a walking ticker tape parade.
8:00 AM Nov 5th
from Tumblr
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I'm making love to this cup of coffee and hoping it doesn't mind my panties don't match my bra.
6:39 AM Nov 5th
from Tumblr
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Palpitations - I fucking hate them. I hate my heart which is obviously easily irritated. I hate my hormones,...
6:04 AM Nov 5th
from Tumblr
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In this Starbucks, I think Barista is Italian for Talkative Grungy Drop Out with Bad Skin And Deep Seeded Anger Issues.
5:38 AM Nov 5th
from web
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Unless you have one because you're researching a role for a movie, handle bar mustache's are just plain fucking weird.
5:26 PM Nov 4th
from Tumblr
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The new Britney Spear's song is making me stabby, but blood makes me squeamish. So can one of you come stab me until I stop singing it?
1:34 PM Nov 4th
from web
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I'm having a Flower's in the Attic kind of day. My laundry is holding me hostage, so its either I wash it, or eat the arsenic cookie.
11:04 AM Nov 4th
from Tumblr
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I'm not saying you're tone deaf or anything, but I'm pretty sure only dogs can hear you.
9:58 AM Nov 4th
from Tumblr
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Avalanche Ass: When your ass starts to slide from its original position over time, stopping only when it reaches your knees.
8:17 AM Nov 4th
from Tumblr
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- Name ms. diagnosed
- Location Slowly going out of my mind.
- Web http://sarkastick...
- Bio Mother, daughter, carnivore, social drunk, shit talker, flirt and procrastinator du jour
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