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ruthakers

  1. MIL washes her hair with beer and uses vodka as hair spray. So that's how I came to be locked in a bathroom drinking from Suave bottles. about 1 hour ago from Tweetie
  2. I don't understand how people prefer cats to kids I've been asking this cat for 5 minutes to massage my feet and bring me a drink: Nothin' about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
  3. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. This song sounds more about my Creepy Uncle than it does Santa Claus about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
  4. No comment - I’m watching Oprah. She’s visiting soldiers that have lost their limbs, been injured,... http://tumblr.com/xoj4a16a6 about 3 hours ago from Tumblr
  5. Everyone tell what you're thankful for: 2.) SODA! 4.) socks 6.) TV 8.) nerd ropes Clearly a "First World" Day of thanks in these parts. about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
  6. I've gone and tucked my napkin into the band of my sweatpants to facilitate the eating of my pumpkin pie This is my thanksgiving "dressing" about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
  7. Ruth just changed her facebook status from "Married" to "So help me God I'll be divorced if we ever spend Thanksgiving with in-laws again". about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
  8. Last Thanksgiving I was in the ER with MRSA on my ass cheek lying on a table butt-naked waiting for my sore to be cut open I miss that about 8 hours ago from Tweetie
  9. 8 just used MIL's 48 FFF bra to sling-shot an onion at the cat So We're probably not welcome back here without teaching them some restraint about 9 hours ago from Tweetie
  10. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I'm going to spend the day with my family* being thankful* and happy* *bottle *drunk *inappropriate about 10 hours ago from Tweetie
  11. The good news is my throat is so swollen and my eyes are so watery I can't eat food or see to stuff my face. Happy Thanksgiving Indeed! about 21 hours ago from Tweetie
  12. 4 beds in this house, and I'll let you guess where the cat I'm deathly allergic to decided to shed his white winter allergen filled coat. about 21 hours ago from Tweetie
  13. How many hours do I have to be sober before AA awards me with a pin It's going on 12 and I'd like to trade my pin in for a bottle of vodka about 22 hours ago from Tweetie
  14. Okay @crackbarbie and @theduty are snorting coke in Ohio, and I'm playing charades in a cornfield This is a prime example of DOING IT WRONG about 22 hours ago from Birdhouse
  15. My yardboy brings milkshakes to my house. Him and the rest of his dyslexic rapping crew. about 23 hours ago from Tweetie
  16. There's no alcohol here They want to play charades I hope I pull the "Woman commiting suicide" card Nevermind I don't commit to anything about 24 hours ago from Tweetie
  17. @sarawr you had to know my Grandma. She was awesome. She died of breast cancer and left me her fake boob in her will. Funniest woman Alive 3:45 PM Nov 25th from Tweetie in reply to sarawr
  18. 4's screaming 6 hours in that her imaginary friend Isaiah got left at home. As my grandma used to say as she rubbed them: TOUGH TITTIES! 3:37 PM Nov 25th from Tweetie
  19. BFE Ohio A 3 room trailer Me and 4 adults and 7 children The next 4 days Somehow; I feel like the settlers didn't know real pain. 3:21 PM Nov 25th from Tweetie
  20. There's a billboard here advertising RV's sold in a "private lot" by a man named Tom Raper Yeah Good luck with that "private lot" Mr Raper 2:58 PM Nov 25th from Tweetie