ruthakers
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MIL washes her hair with beer and uses vodka as hair spray.
So that's how I came to be locked in a bathroom drinking from Suave bottles.
about 1 hour ago
from Tweetie
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I don't understand how people prefer cats to kids
I've been asking this cat for 5 minutes to massage my feet and bring me a drink:
Nothin'
about 2 hours ago
from Tweetie
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He sees you when you're sleeping.
He knows when you're awake.
This song sounds more about my Creepy Uncle than it does Santa Claus
about 2 hours ago
from Tweetie
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No comment - I’m watching Oprah. She’s visiting soldiers that have lost their limbs, been injured,...
about 3 hours ago
from Tumblr
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Everyone tell what you're thankful for:
2.) SODA!
4.) socks
6.) TV
8.) nerd ropes
Clearly a "First World" Day of thanks in these parts.
about 4 hours ago
from Tweetie
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I've gone and tucked my napkin into the band of my sweatpants to facilitate the eating of my pumpkin pie
This is my thanksgiving "dressing"
about 5 hours ago
from Tweetie
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Ruth just changed her facebook status from "Married" to "So help me God I'll be divorced if we ever spend Thanksgiving with in-laws again".
about 6 hours ago
from Tweetie
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Last Thanksgiving I was in the ER with MRSA on my ass cheek lying on a table butt-naked waiting for my sore to be cut open
I miss that
about 8 hours ago
from Tweetie
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8 just used MIL's 48 FFF bra to sling-shot an onion at the cat
So
We're probably not welcome back here without teaching them some restraint
about 9 hours ago
from Tweetie
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Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
I'm going to spend the day with my family* being thankful* and happy*
*bottle
*drunk
*inappropriate
about 10 hours ago
from Tweetie
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The good news is my throat is so swollen and my eyes are so watery I can't eat food or see to stuff my face.
Happy Thanksgiving Indeed!
about 21 hours ago
from Tweetie
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4 beds in this house, and I'll let you guess where the cat I'm deathly allergic to decided to shed his white winter allergen filled coat.
about 21 hours ago
from Tweetie
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How many hours do I have to be sober before AA awards me with a pin
It's going on 12 and I'd like to trade my pin in for a bottle of vodka
about 22 hours ago
from Tweetie
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Okay @ and @ are snorting coke in Ohio, and I'm playing charades in a cornfield
This is a prime example of DOING IT WRONG
about 22 hours ago
from Birdhouse
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My yardboy brings milkshakes to my house.
Him and the rest of his dyslexic rapping crew.
about 23 hours ago
from Tweetie
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There's no alcohol here
They want to play charades
I hope I pull the "Woman commiting suicide" card
Nevermind
I don't commit to anything
about 24 hours ago
from Tweetie
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@ you had to know my Grandma.
She was awesome.
She died of breast cancer and left me her fake boob in her will.
Funniest woman Alive
3:45 PM Nov 25th
from Tweetie
in reply to sarawr
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4's screaming 6 hours in that her imaginary friend Isaiah got left at home.
As my grandma used to say as she rubbed them:
TOUGH TITTIES!
3:37 PM Nov 25th
from Tweetie
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BFE Ohio
A 3 room trailer
Me and 4 adults and 7 children
The next 4 days
Somehow; I feel like the settlers didn't know real pain.
3:21 PM Nov 25th
from Tweetie
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There's a billboard here advertising RV's sold in a "private lot" by a man named Tom Raper
Yeah
Good luck with that "private lot" Mr
Raper
2:58 PM Nov 25th
from Tweetie
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- Name ruthakers
- Location iPhone: 36.624344,-87.432732
- Web http://ruthakers....
- Bio curing teen pregnancy one tweet at a time
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