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rsmallbone

  1. I may have forgotten how to tweet. So, uh, your mom. Still a whore? 10:01 PM Dec 4th from Tweetie
  2. @ange_black This was about boobs, right? 7:37 PM Dec 1st from web in reply to ange_black
  3. @ladawn Right, because there's always coffee. 6:04 PM Nov 23rd from web in reply to ladawn
  4. No, I'm not hanging out on Twitter on Saturday night. I'm having sex. With ladies! I call this one Handerella. 8:12 PM Nov 21st from web
  5. When I make lunch for my kids, it's like an Iron Chef challenge. They get the raw ingredients and a lunch hour to make food from them. 9:45 PM Nov 19th from web
  6. @ampersands1 I starred that and the star exploded and became a million tiny stars. It's like I starred it a lot, but less work. 9:35 PM Nov 19th from web in reply to ampersands1
  7. Sometimes I think my life would be fuller if I watched reality TV. Fuller of bullshit and impotent rage, but still. 9:34 PM Nov 19th from web
  8. I'm trying to scratch "Father of the Year" into the base of my son's soccer trophy. I think it'll look great on my desk. 9:31 PM Nov 19th from web
  9. I caved on the kid's lunches. I picked up a couple of Baconator combos from Wendy's. I think they'll still be pretty tasty in 12 hours. 9:28 PM Nov 19th from web
  10. Sometimes a big juicy hot dog is just a big juicy penis. But this one was a hot dog. With onions. 9:26 PM Nov 19th from web
  11. I was craving a big juicy hot dog, but I had yogurt instead. It was just as good. Yeah, no, it was total bullshit. 9:25 PM Nov 19th from web
  12. I'm supposed to make lunch for my kids, but I'm too tired. In the morning, I'll just give them each a bottle of soy sauce and a raw egg. 9:06 PM Nov 19th from web
  13. @Jennyjinx I don't think you need it. You can probably just scoop it out with a spoon. 8:16 AM Nov 19th from web in reply to Jennyjinx
  14. @sniffyjenkins Congratulations! You're a superstar. 8:34 AM Nov 17th from web in reply to sniffyjenkins
  15. @sarkastickunt I'd like to order a case. 7:10 AM Nov 17th from web in reply to sarkastickunt
  16. @CaseOfWhine This police officer didn't seem to mind. He even took me back to his office to show all his friends. Oooh, fingerpaints! 6:48 AM Nov 17th from web in reply to CaseOfWhine
  17. @damselesque Why would I resist? I look fucking amazing in this beret. 6:41 AM Nov 17th from web in reply to damselesque
  18. There are too few children's books that discuss sex honestly. I think my book, "Mommy's a Screamer, Daddy Likes It in the Ass", will help. 7:43 PM Nov 14th from web
  19. We need mudflap warmers for the Benz, so please check out my wife's new Etsy shop: http://tr.im/EPnc 9:32 AM Nov 12th from web
  20. @ange_black I didn't read anything after "BOOBIES!", and I broke my mouse. YOUR FAULT. 9:26 AM Nov 12th from web in reply to ange_black