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rsmallbone

  1. There are too few children's books that discuss sex honestly. I think my book, "Mommy's a Screamer, Daddy Likes It in the Ass", will help. 7:43 PM Nov 14th from web
  2. We need mudflap warmers for the Benz, so please check out my wife's new Etsy shop: http://tr.im/EPnc 9:32 AM Nov 12th from web
  3. @ange_black I didn't read anything after "BOOBIES!", and I broke my mouse. YOUR FAULT. 9:26 AM Nov 12th from web in reply to ange_black
  4. @wifeoftj Good luck today! Fuck that mid-term right in the eye. 7:20 AM Nov 12th from web
  5. This tea's really not doing anything. I think I need a coffee with two milks, one sugar, and just a little bit of cocaine mixed in. 7:05 AM Nov 12th from web
  6. @Favstar That's OK, I've only been one eighth as funny today. 11:37 PM Nov 11th from Tweetie in reply to Favstar
  7. I don't think it can be called 'indecent exposure' if I'm in my Masturbation Tent. Okay, it's a hoodie, but still. 11:19 PM Nov 11th from web
  8. One if by mouth, two if by ass. What? That's how much I'd need to drink. 9:56 PM Nov 11th from Tweetie
  9. Sorry for laughing at you. It's just because I'm jealous of your tiny penis. 7:13 PM Nov 10th from web
  10. These kids are SO ungrateful. They complain when you lock them in the closet, and they complain a week later when you let them out. 6:07 PM Nov 10th from web
  11. @ange_black That's a service I offer. I'll eat lots of beans before I come over. 3:11 PM Nov 10th from web in reply to ange_black
  12. I think I'm retaining water. Like 100 lbs. 2:52 PM Nov 9th from web
  13. I have a limited imagination so when I'm giving a speech, instead of imagining everyone naked, I actually undress the first few rows. 1:51 PM Nov 9th from web
  14. Realized last night that I've been sleeping with the same woman for 18 years. Don't tell my wife. 1:22 PM Nov 9th from web
  15. When the cat wraps herself around my legs as I walk downstairs, I'm sure she's hoping I'll die so she can feast on my eyes. 10:30 AM Nov 9th from web
  16. The powdered cheese they put on popcorn is almost exactly the opposite of lube, but now my genitals taste delightful. 9:02 PM Nov 8th from web
  17. Blow jobs are like loading the dishwasher: if you ever want it done again, don't complain about the technique. 7:38 PM Nov 8th from web
  18. @abigvictory I drive into parking spots too fast, slam into the other cars, and leak fluids everywhere. 4:30 PM Nov 7th from web in reply to abigvictory
  19. @sokeri I'll never get tired of learning what's going on with your nipples. 4:27 PM Nov 7th from web in reply to sokeri
  20. My son wouldn't stop making cat noises, so I put him in a box on the lawn and wrote 'FREE KITTEN' on the side. 2:29 PM Nov 7th from web