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rossmcf

  1. Cast changes for Calendar Girls mean Meg can kiss her surprise tickets goodbye. Samantha Fox is no substitute for Jill Halfpenny.
  2. Wondering if there's any linguistic relationship between the word 'question' and cheese. @stephenfry ?
  3. ME: “Mum, I asked Meg to marry me. She said yes.” MUM: “Fantastic!” (a week passes) MUM: “I didn't realise you were engaged!”
  4. Cause and effect is lost on my mother.
  5. Meg's peoples can't spell my name for shit. They're gonna have to buck their ideas up before my surname becomes hers.
  6. Scouse is a dialect half sung, half spat.
  7. @rands Ouch.
  8. So, I went up a hill with my girlfriend… and came down with my fiancée.
  9. I ache.
  10. @talks_in_maths Exceptions are made to be _thrown_.
  11. Today, I am a Google Maps telephone operator.
  12. Want, want, want, want, WANT: http://shop.hardgraft.com/products
  13. This is beautiful. http://www.patrickmoberg.com/lessons-from-a-dog/#0
  14. @MikeNolan Shaun Inman's lessn might do the trick.
  15. @SkunkAnansie1 Absolutely awesome.
  16. @markskunk is an animal. Not the Muppet, you understand, but a highly skilled animal that keeps excellent time.
  17. @benosteen Thought for the happiness meter: make a flexible mouth and deform for smile/frown: http://is.gd/51LRh
  18. Three years on this train and I've only just thought of “Can I get a Widnes?”.
  19. Spirits lifted by human kindness. (Someone gave me a parking ticket with half an hour left on it.)
  20. @wossy Could you wield your influence to get Terry Wogan saying the Oedipal expletive on air for Children in Need? I'm in for £20.