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robhuebel
Calling today "black friday" sounds racist. Dreaming of a "white Christmas" also hurtful. And a "Happy Jew Year" is inexcusable.about 2 hours agofrom TwitterBerry
I bet the guy that invented gravy is getting so laid right now.about 24 hours agofrom web
Lots of people traveling today. I'm time traveling. Gonna have Thanksgiving w/ my grandkids and slap the crap out of them.5:19 PM Nov 25thfrom TwitterBerry
I am thankful that a lot of these grocery store shoppers are being dicks so I can punch them and not feel guilty.3:13 PM Nov 25thfrom TwitterBerry
I am making stuffing for people I don't like. So i'm hiding marbles in it. Just like the Indians on the first Thanksgiving.12:55 PM Nov 25thfrom web
Pretty sure this elderly sushi chef just called me "round eye" under his breath. Seems racist. This may end with swords!9:43 PM Nov 24thfrom TwitterBerry
Just saw Bob Barker's headshot in my drycleaner's. I bet a lot of dogs hump all over his clothes.8:06 PM Nov 24thfrom TwitterBerry
Dressed like a pilgrim today just so when people ask why, I can I can start crying and softly say "buckles make me hard".2:23 PM Nov 24thfrom TwitterBerry
Today would be a bad day for aliens to attack the earth. I have a lot of crap to do and couldn't lead the resistance. Any other day...12:38 PM Nov 24thfrom TwitterBerry
Hate this new show "Ghost Dog Whisperer" where ghost of a dog trainer trains ghosts of dead dogs. Too much invisibility.12:21 AM Nov 24thfrom web
All food should just be made out of toothpaste. So your teeth get brushed while you eat. Fuck. Do I have to think of everything?8:38 PM Nov 23rdfrom web
Just saw little kids leaving school dressed as Indians. Or tiny members of The Village People. Hard to tell.2:21 PM Nov 23rdfrom TwitterBerry
No vehicle contains more STD's than the stretch Hummer limo. With the possible exception of the gonorrhea-copter.4:05 PM Nov 22ndfrom web
There should be a sport where field goal kickers have to run around and kick each other to death in a small chamber. Mostly nutshots.1:18 PM Nov 22ndfrom web
Nothing gets me more depressed than watching 'Real Sex' on HBO. There's no way to masturbate to gross people like that.2:36 AM Nov 22ndfrom TwitterBerry
A lot of people who stand on the street corner spinning signs in the air for restaurants are not prostitutes. So don't ask.5:03 PM Nov 21stfrom TwitterBerry
The easiest way to make a lot of money fast, is to steal it from a little kid who is named Richie Rich. Fuck that guy.10:24 AM Nov 21stfrom TwitterBerry
Would it be weird if I came to your house and just watched you sleep? I promise nothing creepy. Maybe just some fingers in your mouth.4:12 PM Nov 20thfrom web