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robdelaney

  1. The most scared I've ever been was when Jeremy Piven maybe had mercury poisoning. 2nd is probably 9/11.
  2. @kevinmeyers I might have to quit after that one.
  3. My cousin Denise's baby Alpo was born with no feet and a full adult penis because she drank Four Loko when she was pregnant :(
  4. is jurassic park real
  5. IN SHOCK that @RickSantorum has chosen @JaredLeto as his running mate.
  6. I want to "sex rub" my neighbor Karen's boobies.
  7. Heroes @NeilHamburger @joemande & @fart are doing the Lord's working fucking with corporations on Twitter. They are visionaries.
  8. When I post tour dates, people ask "Why aren't you coming to [my shitty town]?" Believe me, I will at some point. Thanks for desiring me.
  9. It's fun to go "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!" as you back your bum up to the toilet. Anyway, I'm a pretty lonely person.
  10. Just made a dog look at my boner for a change.
  11. ron delaney
  12. "I know my recent weight gain has left a lot of people feeling hurt & confused." - imaginary press conference I'm holding right now
  13. Something about the word "dungarees" makes my vagina feel funny.
  14. I lost my virginity in 1994.
  15. I just said "Who's a little biscuit!" to a puppy tied to a signpost outside a café & a homeless guy a few feet away said "I am."
  16. My US tour dates, including new BROOKLYN show. Also: Miami, DC, Philly & more. London dates soon. robdelaney.tumblr.com/tour RT! #clump #knob
  17. Its original title was "Everybody Loves Raymond, Except Neil Doherty, the Real Estate Agent He Stabbed in 1982."
  18. I know it's tacky to post a picture of my new sportscar, but whatever; I've earned it: twitter.com/robdelaney/sta…
  19. @susanorlean I'm here all week & would love to!
  20. If "The Artist" gets Best Picture over "Ghost Protocol," I will kill a mute.