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reverendross

  1. This Thanksgiving I'm grateful that my brother waited until after dinner to show me the collection of unkempt vagina photos in his iphone. about 9 hours ago from web
  2. Flaunting my drunkenness at my resentful underage nephew can be exhausting. Time to curl up by the heating vent in the bathroom & pass out. about 10 hours ago from web
  3. For Thanksgiving he bought a pumpkin pie and a Reddi Whip can, ate them, did whippets, threw a gin bottle at the wall and was very thankful. 3:58 PM Nov 25th from web
  4. Talking with Alzheimer's Granny. Politeness dictates that I must hear every complaint about each relative three times before I can hang up. 8:25 AM Nov 24th from web
  5. The only thing that frightens me about flying are the electronic garbage cans at the airport that might try to eat my arm. 2:40 PM Nov 23rd from web
  6. Still mostly asleep and I can close one eye and picture elephants playing dixieland jazz. I open it and they stop. I might hire these guys. 7:37 AM Nov 22nd from web
  7. Just a few more days of my 'I'll stuff your turkey' pickup line. Then I switch to 'stuff your stocking'. Off to swoop hot milfs at Walmart. 12:00 PM Nov 21st from web
  8. This post by @DoogieHowser_MD is my pick for Best Tweet Of The Arbitrary Period Of Time Of Your Own Choosing: http://tinyurl.com/ybdzjjr 4:07 PM Nov 20th from web
  9. Brain fart! My last post confused hysterectomies with having the tubes tied. I prescribe myself a lobotomy. Or a trepanation. One of those. 3:30 PM Nov 20th from web
  10. It wasn't so much a hysterectomy as a case of cutting out her womb to spite his seed. Unnecessary. She'd taken his balls some time ago. 2:17 PM Nov 20th from web
  11. @Thaozilla I have a females-with-vaginas fetish. I cast a wide net. 1:06 PM Nov 20th from web in reply to Thaozilla
  12. Thanks for the #ff 's guys. Special thanks to @plaid_lemur for setting up a hot 3-way for me, @Thaozilla & Sarah Palin. Best wingman ever! 11:52 AM Nov 20th from web
  13. She said I called her a vampire squirrel, which is not something I would say to a lady. I called her a squirrel vampire. Totally different. 7:46 PM Nov 18th from web
  14. "What do you think of my baby?" "It's a baby." Not the answer he was looking for. "He says 'ball' really well for someone his age." Better. 12:36 PM Nov 18th from web
  15. Poked around his junk shop. "Wouldna missed Hurricane Katrina for anything" he said "Better'n the World's Fair." I bought me a stuffed cat. 1:43 PM Nov 17th from web
  16. "It was soaked with ball sweat when I mailed it but should be dry by the time it gets to Europe. Hope it's not moldy. Merry Christmas." 8:51 AM Nov 17th from web
  17. Grandpa played everything from Oh Susanna to The Beer Barrel Polka on mouth harp that night. All to make Jones feel small. Jones was a shit. 12:30 PM Nov 16th from web
  18. I don't care who's upset when I say Obama's a reptilian humanoid mind controlled by the Illuminati. Not addressing it won't make it go away. 10:02 AM Nov 16th from web
  19. She said something about emotional availability. He was listening to the piano player. She left. He took a seat closer to the piano player. 11:31 AM Nov 15th from web
  20. Thank you for all the #ff ing yesterday guys. I'm humbled and I wanna have your babies. 10:24 AM Nov 14th from web