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rejectedjokes

  1. When I say hey, you say ho! Hey! Hey! Good. Now all the ladies, when I say hey, you say your phone number. HEY! about 3 hours ago from web
  2. In this episode of Mayne Street we go behind the scenes of the new ESPN LA studios-http://tinyurl.com/yfkxzhl 10:28 AM Nov 24th from web
  3. Since when did bedazzling random people's coffins become taboo? 10:19 AM Nov 23rd from web
  4. Introducing Soul Sundays-1st one is a newer mix of soul and pop- MJ -I Wanna Be Where You Are- http://tinyurl.com/ybq23hk 8:44 AM Nov 22nd from web
  5. Snapple Fact: This beverage tastes like water a fruit pissed into. 1:04 PM Nov 21st from web
  6. I knew she was cheating on me with that Eskimo the second she came home drunk with her nose all raw. 11:17 AM Nov 20th from web
  7. This Monday on Accidentally on Purpose I play a rival film critic to @jennaonpurpose. Preview-http://tinyurl.com/yj9ngkk 9:17 AM Nov 19th from web
  8. Every time a black person crosses my cat's path he gets really upset. Is that superstition or racism? 1:08 PM Nov 18th from web
  9. New Mayne Street- My character, Evan Mintz, accuses Kenny Mayne of stealing his Laker tix- http://tinyurl.com/yedu8ax 9:10 AM Nov 17th from web
  10. I give it 1 week till celebrities endorse hand sanitizers then 3 days till Taylor Swift's clean handys is the runaway fav. 10:40 AM Nov 16th from web
  11. Come to Shitty Jobs tonight at 11pm at UCBLA only $5. Funny people improvising for you- http://tinyurl.com/ykswvn9 11:09 AM Nov 15th from web
  12. Can't believe how many old female Asian surgeons there are and how forgetful they are to take off their masks after work. 12:02 PM Nov 14th from Tweetie
  13. RT @ScottAukerman CDR Radio starts in 1hr - with guests Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes), @ChipPope & James Adomian! http://indie1031.com 11:23 AM Nov 13th from web
  14. Anybody know the name of the mosquito in the opening sequence of Dexter? Looks so familiar, it's really bothering me. 10:37 AM Nov 13th from web
  15. My interview with the International German Beard and Mustache Championship Contestants- http://tinyurl.com/y962scq 12:55 PM Nov 12th from web
  16. I am fearful that I'll go my entire life without seeing a porno that begins with "Based on a true story." 9:26 AM Nov 12th from web
  17. Santa- "I'm getting too old for this shit." #tweets1monthearly 9:56 AM Nov 11th from web
  18. Santa must think we're running a children's UFC due to the high "all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" requests. 10:23 AM Nov 10th from web
  19. Beware of human venus fly trap Aaron Neville. His beautiful high voice gets you close then his enormous arms crush you. 9:28 AM Nov 9th from web
  20. Shitty Jobs tonight at 11pm at UCBLA. Only 5 bucks, reservations and info here- http://tinyurl.com/ykswvn9 5:40 PM Nov 8th from web