Profile_bird

Hey there! rejectedjokes is using Twitter.

Twitter is a free service that lets you keep in touch with people through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing? Join today to start receiving rejectedjokes's tweets.

Already using Twitter
from your phone? Click here.

rejectedjokes

  1. Santa must think we're running a children's UFC due to the high "all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" requests.about 2 hours ago from web
  2. Beware of human venus fly trap Aaron Neville. His beautiful high voice gets you close then his enormous arms crush you.9:28 AM Nov 9th from web
  3. Shitty Jobs tonight at 11pm at UCBLA. Only 5 bucks, reservations and info here- http://tinyurl.com/ykswvn95:40 PM Nov 8th from web
  4. I'm trying to find a number one pencil so I can look down at other pencil users.7:23 PM Nov 7th from web
  5. Mary Steenburgen, one of the nicest/most talented people in the universe, has joined twitter! Follow here- @MSteenburgen3:57 PM Nov 6th from web
  6. The phrase "In case of emergency, break glass" is misleading. In other news, I owe a series of kids new fish bowls.10:41 AM Nov 6th from web
  7. Dear children, when magicians finish their act then whisper, "Now, who wants to see some REAL magic?" Say "Not me."10:33 AM Nov 5th from web
  8. Do you have any caskets that bring the dead back to life? No? OK...then I guess this pine one will do me just fine.9:53 AM Nov 4th from web
  9. I guess "Are you a prostitute? Because you make me want to pay for sex." is no longer considered a sweet pick up line.10:36 AM Nov 3rd from web
  10. Big Bird is starting to figure out that Sesame Street is not real. He's getting closer to his Truman Show moment.11:28 AM Nov 2nd from web
  11. I found a Cosby sweater at the last second but couldn't pull off Buffalo Bill Cosby or Bill Cosby, Still, Nash and Young.4:28 PM Nov 1st from web
  12. Last second pun Halloween costume ideas- Mad Max Men, Gerard Butler Monkey, Lebron James Taylor, Laurence Fishburnie Madoff.11:05 AM Oct 31st from web
  13. For Halloween the prostitutes on my block are dressing up like conservative business women.10:15 AM Oct 30th from web
  14. I saw a rabbit on a pogo ball. I can't tell if that is amazing or lazy.9:02 AM Oct 29th from web
  15. Expiration dates are constantly mocking me.11:15 AM Oct 28th from web
  16. Yes @dawgtawlk, @DanaCommand, @ausharri73 that was me in the audience of Conan yesterday. You would be amazing at Where's Waldo.4:56 PM Oct 27th from web
  17. I am confused as to what the red carpet for MJ's "THIS IS IT" will look like.9:51 AM Oct 27th from web
  18. The most f'ed up short I've done-TEDDY SAW on FunnyorDie- http://tinyurl.com/ykn92gt -Digg it- http://tinyurl.com/ygefeua8:15 AM Oct 26th from web
  19. Shitty Jobs- 11pm at UCBLA. Info and reservations here- http://tinyurl.com/ykswvn93:42 PM Oct 25th from web
  20. Last night the fortune in my fortune cookie read "The lucky numbers on these fortunes are BULLSHIT!"9:34 AM Oct 25th from web