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rebekatomic

  1. Christmas stockings, that is. 7:04 PM Nov 24th from web
  2. Tonight at dinner I explained to my family that the coal we refer to as "fossil fuel" is actually that of the "naughty" mermaids' stockings. 7:00 PM Nov 24th from web
  3. Don't fondle fondu until fondu fondles you. 6:58 PM Nov 24th from web
  4. I want you to have my baby. No, really. Here it is. You can have it. #regressionofpickupline 6:43 PM Nov 24th from web
  5. @MrBigFists It appears that our bios are the exact same. When I discovered this, I was inclined to celebrate by making you a sandwich. 6:36 PM Nov 24th from web
  6. I played a tree in a play once so I have a lot of tree puns up my sleeve. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that puns are in my roots. 10:10 PM Nov 23rd from web
  7. I love cake like a fat boy loves cake. 8:17 PM Nov 23rd from web
  8. ...That's how the saying goes, right? 8:10 PM Nov 23rd from web
  9. Blessed are the forgetful, for they forgive even the bitter ends of their blenders. 8:04 PM Nov 23rd from web
  10. @DarkJono But you call attention to things in hopes of absolving those things of their thingness quite frequently, don't you? 6:02 PM Nov 23rd from mobile web
  11. Befriend briefs before beef befriends briefs. 5:59 PM Nov 23rd from mobile web
  12. Hold me closer, Tony Danza. 5:54 PM Nov 23rd from mobile web
  13. As the poet says: Tom Hanks has really let himself go. 5:45 PM Nov 23rd from mobile web
  14. Some say the key to life is being alive. I say life is unlocked and requires only a sense of adventure. My cat says I'm crazy. 1:56 PM Nov 23rd from web
  15. Right now, me being Amish and me not wearing pants are two completely unrelated things. 12:25 PM Nov 23rd from web
  16. Sometimes I think there's someone in my backseat but that's crazy because I don't even have a car. 10:26 PM Nov 22nd from web
  17. Shut up, Lady Gaga! Get thee to a nunnery! #thighjealousy 10:21 PM Nov 22nd from web
  18. The harder to get the better to have. 'Cept smallpox and the like. And AIDS. And Lindsay Lohan. 9:44 PM Nov 22nd from mobile web
  19. (Except you, Steve. You know what you did.) 9:12 PM Nov 22nd from mobile web
  20. You know what? I spelled "irrelevant" wrong, and none of you people judged me. For that I will forgive all uneducated lolcats. 9:12 PM Nov 22nd from mobile web