rayadverb
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I am not making this up: Two women just got into a fight on the Small World ride.
3:27 PM Nov 14th
from twibble
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I'm at Disney World. Apparently there is an invisible Butt Enlargifier Ray trained on this area.
11:22 AM Nov 13th
from twibble
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I am not making this up: Last night I dreamed that I fought an ostrich belonging to Cher.
8:37 AM Nov 6th
from twibble
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Question for the world in general: Is it really THAT difficult to FLUSH THE FREAKING TOILET??
4:21 PM Nov 2nd
from twibble
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There is no fun quite like the fun of being among the last to board a full Southwest Airlines flight.
5:26 PM Nov 1st
from twibble
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The Bumpit commercial... That's a joke, right?
5:06 AM Oct 29th
from twibble
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The sad thing is, now nobody will believe the thousands of families whose children really ARE trapped inside runaway balloons.
6:04 AM Oct 19th
from twibble
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The temperature in Miami fell to 60 degrees this morning. And so far the federal government has done NOTHING.
6:27 AM Oct 18th
from twibble
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They asked me first if I would accept the Nobel Peace Prize, but I have a dental appointment.
7:28 AM Oct 9th
from web
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New York: City of the Comically Unnecessary Giant Scarf
9:24 AM Oct 3rd
from twibble
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Local TV news finds the stupidest person they can, and if that person understands the story, they don't use it.
4:29 PM Oct 1st
from twibble
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It seems to me the only good reason to bring a rifle to the airport is to shoot out the TVs BLARING CNN EVERYWHERE YOU GO.
8:32 AM Sep 30th
from web
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I also have a uranium-enrichment facility, but you don't see me making a big deal about it.
1:34 PM Sep 25th
from web
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Guy at the airport asked if I had a "few seconds to save the children." I said no. He was fine with it! He was like, "Screw them."
12:53 PM Sep 22nd
from twibble
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It's Talk Like a Pirate Day. End your sentences with "me hearties." As in, "A grande pumpkin spice latte, me hearties."
4:18 AM Sep 19th
from web
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I don't know what the big fuss is about. It was clearly a consenting chicken.
10:40 AM Sep 18th
from web
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You know who we should put in charge? Frequent callers to sports-talk radio. Those guys know EVERYTHING.
12:06 PM Sep 14th
from web
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9-year-old girls in the back of my car, listening to the radio: "There are so many songs about love." (Pause.) "It's WEIRD."
11:25 AM Sep 12th
from web
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It turns out that you can, in fact, repair a dog with duct tape.
4:30 AM Sep 11th
from Tweets60
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When there are workmen here to fix something, my voice gets deeper. Also I act as though I know what "amps" are.
7:28 AM Sep 10th
from web
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