quotestanhope
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When I'm tryin' to cram you full of two inches of semi soft jager-cock, don't start hollering like you're at the Super Bowl.
about 17 hours ago
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and you walk out of here ten times more depressed than when you even walked in - and that's the only time I smile during the night
10:14 AM Dec 22nd
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big war torn beaver that looks like someone kicked a hole in the side of a rotting hog's carcass
9:43 AM Dec 21st
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I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.
10:39 AM Dec 20th
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There are only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs, and people who really sucked at doing drugs.
9:50 AM Dec 19th
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That is the slow ritual torture murder of children, one after another ... how many bulb headed skeletons have to go stiff in your arms?
9:30 AM Dec 18th
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"I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft"
9:41 AM Dec 17th
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And not cos it's something in my ass. That's not some new boundary I just broke in late life.
9:40 AM Dec 16th
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44 or 90 holes all over her body. There are big flappy, ugly holes, and you go "now a long term commitment is a viable option."
8:56 AM Dec 15th
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This isn't really so much about a career as it is not feeling so fucking alone in thinking like this.
8:34 AM Dec 14th
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Sex is a very narrow avenue; you only have so many holes and parts, and so eventually you run out of things to do.
9:13 AM Dec 13th
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I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits; you can't smoke somebody pretty.
10:27 AM Dec 12th
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"this could pull your anus inside out like an elephant's trunk"
8:55 AM Dec 11th
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Kip Kinkle'esque; a lot of people thought he was derivative of Kip Kinkle's work ... but I thought he had his own panache.
9:33 AM Dec 10th
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You have options when it comes to abortion now; it's not like 1955 where you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best.
9:49 AM Dec 9th
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I did ruin the The Man Show, I fucking raped its corpse ... I would ruin that show twice as much again for half the money.
10:09 AM Dec 8th
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Cunt is a great word, but it is more impressive if you use it on a guy.
9:23 AM Dec 7th
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You want to fix the pledge of allegiance, put a disclaimer at the end: must be 18, void where prohibited, some restrictions may apply ...
8:09 AM Dec 6th
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"This is a great place to start a family here in Darfur, I haven't dodged a bullet in minutes."
7:32 AM Dec 5th
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I have my dick in the mouth of a very ugly, angry, crack whore right now and I don't want to bust up laughing.
8:55 AM Dec 4th
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- Name Doug Stanhope Quotes
- Bio A Doug Stanhope quote every day from the unofficial quote stream that takes pride in failing to do justice to a comic genius.
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