portlandmercury
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Commish Saltzman backs down; reverses bad apple cop's suspension. See? Threatening to crush someone's lungs works!
3:16 PM Nov 30th
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It's wrong to laugh at others' misfortunes. However! All together now in a singsong fashion: Ha! Ha-ha! Ha-haaaa-HA!
1:27 PM Nov 30th
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Enter the "I am Chris Humphreys" Photosho-mpetition. The winner gets an autographed lung crushing.
4:15 PM Nov 25th
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Cops protest at City Hall wearing "I am Chris Humphreys" t-shirts. I protest their protest with my "Team Jacob" shirt.
1:09 PM Nov 24th
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Japandroids used to be illegal. Well, for "pleasure purposes," anyway. (Not that that stopped me!) Anyway, win one:
10:22 AM Nov 23rd
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Less than six hours to go until @ and I get to see New Moon!!!
1:44 PM Nov 20th
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Win tickets to Broken Lizard's "comedy" show! That reminds me: Last week I shat a turd that was funnier than Club Dread
1:40 PM Nov 20th
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BREAKING: Commish Saltzman overrules Sizer—suspends bad apple cop for shooting pre-teen with bean bag gun.
4:56 PM Nov 19th
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BREAKING: Chief Sizer places "bad apple" cop on leave after allegedly shooting a 12-year-old with a bean bag gun.
4:08 PM Nov 19th
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Fucking shitballs. As if Portland doesn't already have enough goddamn imbeciles.
10:16 AM Nov 17th
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Blu-ray and DVD can go fuck themselves. I'LL GIVE YOU MY BETAMAX WHEN YOU TAKE IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS!
5:19 PM Nov 16th
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Win tickets to Wolfmother! Maybe I'll enter and take @'s mother. From behind.
12:26 PM Nov 16th
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Finally, a quick and easy way to identify jackasses, imbeciles, shitheads, and imbeciles based on their footwear!
11:15 AM Nov 16th
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ATTN. IMBECILES: You like crappy movies, right? Win these Saul Williams tickets, then have him sign your K-PAX DVD!
10:01 AM Nov 10th
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Where the fuck's my twitcom, CBS? Here, I'll make it easy: "Shit Frank Says." There. Done. Give me my money, fuckos.
5:58 PM Nov 9th
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Win tickets to see Built to Spill. (Confidential to the bearded guy in the band: Stop trying to look like me.)
9:28 AM Nov 9th
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The Mercury's resident sporto is, yet again, clumsily attempting to live blog the Blazers game. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
7:48 PM Nov 6th
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@ Thanks! Fixed! NOW CLICK IT.
6:31 PM Nov 6th
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in reply to jsmartinII
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The Mercury's wannabe cinéastes have two web-only film reviews: THE BOX and THE FOURTH KIND. (HA! Cameron Diaz's box!)
6:30 PM Nov 6th
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Win a mountain goat! Or something. Like I give a shit.
12:01 PM Nov 6th
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- Name Frank Cassano
- Location Portland, Oregon
- Web http://blogtown.p...
- Bio Author of the Portland Mercury's Imbecile Parade, you imbecile.
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