plaid_lemur
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When deer hunting, I always bring a pair of novelty reindeer antlers just in case a game warden catches me with that homeless guy's body.
7 minutes ago
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With the shortage of canned pumpkin pie filling, I may have to serve desert in the bathroom--you think people will notice it's blumpkin pie?
about 2 hours ago
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@ I'm just a little shocked that you've flown under the radar--you're pretty damn funny. Glad pop your cherry--anytime. Really.
about 2 hours ago
from web
in reply to carmenbauza
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Thanks to those who RT'ed! You humble me. If you like my jokes, go to favrd and favstar.fm to find the secret cabal of humorists on twitter!
about 2 hours ago
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@ My work here is done!
about 16 hours ago
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in reply to WadetoBlack
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I think the worst part of relieving yourself in the shower is stomping the poop down the little drain holes.
about 16 hours ago
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Pandas probably have black eyes because they're assholes.
about 17 hours ago
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@ I think they'd probably just think you were a semi-literate mime. Best leave that for the interview. (Congrats! Unbelievable!)
about 20 hours ago
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in reply to abigvictory
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@ @ I think a million followers now qualifies her as a meme.
about 20 hours ago
from web
in reply to DieLaughing
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I think the most disappointing thing about the movie Rain Man was that he never ended up pulling Santa's sleigh.
about 21 hours ago
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I think the best thing about having a mom with a new boyfriend everyday was all the balloons I'd find in her bedroom trash.
about 21 hours ago
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She says she wants a Platonic relationship, which makes me really excited because she has a really nice ass.
about 22 hours ago
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bwah! RT @ ... College humor put the bear video on their site. RT and it will get featured. NZ style!
1:05 AM Nov 24th
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@ I will! I'm gonna be the hottest anus bleeding man in town. Watch out ladies--and get some paper towels sop up the blood!
11:55 PM Nov 23rd
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in reply to DaddyPlaid
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I think the thing that would really take a person's mind off being homeless for the first few days would be all the hobo rape.
9:45 PM Nov 23rd
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I heard that chicks like ripped guys, so I've eliminated fiber from my diet altogether--my anus will be ripped in no time!
8:29 PM Nov 23rd
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Don't misinterpret when I say my girlfriend is 'eating for two'--it just means I finally got her to eat that tapeworm larva.
5:42 PM Nov 23rd
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A man thought to be vegetative for 23 years was only paralyzed. This gives me hope that one day Keanu Reeves will be properly diagnosed.
4:29 PM Nov 23rd
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@ Mosthly sthnappers--which might be why I have thutch a bad lithp.
3:00 PM Nov 23rd
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in reply to smacdona
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@ I'm looking out for my future book deal...and TV show...and movie! Hell, my album too! Okay, okay...my self printed t-shirts.
2:55 PM Nov 23rd
from web
in reply to BeccaPiano
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- Name Nikolai
- Location Nieuw Hamsterdam
- Web http://favstar.fm...
- Bio An unusually intuitive and inventive mind available for hire in the marketing fields. plaidlemur at gmail And if you like my jokes, check out favstar and favrd!
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