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phylhrmnix

  1. Vitalic has the cure for yr Static Ass Syndrome: http://songza.fm/~jo4o2z Seriously if you somehow remain still, I'm calling the paramedics. about 6 hours ago from web
  2. After so many years of squandered opportunity, the Cleveland Browns really owe it to the team's bus driver to make it to the Super Bowl. 9:11 PM Nov 10th from web
  3. Happy Holidember, dears! (Nov 5 - Jan 4. It's a goofy thing @effingboring & I do that we think others might like. Like most of what we do.) 12:11 PM Nov 10th from web
  4. OKAY EVERYBODY mute the TV and listen a sec: it's gonna be @effingboring's Birthday in 2 minutes. I trust you all to do the right thing. 8:58 PM Nov 4th from web
  5. Oh, WOAH! "Windbreaker!" Man, I've got YEARS of immature snickering to make up for. "Windbreaker." Heh heh. "Fartknocker." Heh heh heh. 12:51 PM Nov 2nd from web
  6. WANTED: someone in the NYC area to quickly come over and paint a W-goatee on my chin so I don't fuck it up. Please be drug/disease free. 7:17 PM Oct 31st from web
  7. ...wait, so NONE of you quietly make the TIE Fighter noise with your mouth when you walk by someone really quickly? 1:16 PM Oct 29th from web
  8. I suspect I lack the white guilt, childhood head trauma, and/or developmental emotional nurturing to appreciate "You Can Call Me Al". 1:22 PM Oct 28th from Brizzly
  9. Nilla Wafers: ...then why are you still eating them?™ 8:08 AM Oct 28th from web
  10. Not that I'm upset to be going to a friend's wedding, but having to shave robs me of my costume trump card (a home-grown Princestash). 5:35 PM Oct 22nd from web
  11. I don't think Soundgarden's drummer knew what a hi-hat even *looked* like until "Down On The Upside". 8:12 PM Oct 19th from Brizzly
  12. I stopped using the infinite ammo code when I was 14. So, way to hang in there with that IDKFA, Yankees. 1:27 AM Oct 18th from web
  13. Weirded out the coworkers a bit with my eagerness to wear the chicken suit for the Science Department yearbook photo. This is actually true. 11:26 PM Oct 15th from web
  14. There comes a tiny loss of innocence the first time you hear a teacher fart. So, uh, sorry kid. 1:51 PM Oct 15th from Twitterrific
  15. Unphotographed - the End Of Line guy at Trader Joe's pulling a Star Wars Kid with his sign. 6:35 PM Oct 14th from Brizzly
  16. The Post Office is the Guantánamo Bay of free afternoons. 7:49 AM Oct 9th from web
  17. If our point of first contact involves you cussing at inanimate objects, you've got maybe 5 seconds to tip the scales from Crazy to Bad Day. 8:18 PM Oct 8th from web
  18. I'd like to think the alarm that went off in Target alerted customers to my Moonwalking-while-alone-in-elevator. Me, I'm a like-to-thinker. 8:46 PM Oct 5th from Brizzly
  19. Without @effingboring for tweet-proofing, expect a deluge of stories about kids and coded messages about @Remiel iolating-vay her ildo-day. 2:45 PM Oct 5th from Brizzly
  20. This morning's breakfast: day-old bagel, plain, straight, no chaser. 8:39 AM Oct 5th from web