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phylhrmnix

  1. Back from an excellent night bike through Avenel. Kept deer at bay with "This Charming Man". Keep those innards tender and juicy, Suburbia!
  2. The sun rising so goddamn early is getting to be a real affront to my life choices.
  3. Summer's enervating clime strips my LucasArts adventure game command list of everything but "Murder". So, Hoagie's stuck, and I'm in jail.
  4. Love is a Technodrome.
  5. You kick ONE stray kitten in front of the wrong daycare and everybody looks at you like you just got Goebbels a Cosmo in Hell's airport bar.
  6. Any note I write has a one-in-twenty chance of turning into an adaption of "This Is Just To Say" by William Carlos Williams.
  7. This is a Low.
  8. Combing the medicine cabinet a final time, sighing, and accepting the micro-indignity of the Improperly Sized Band-Aid.
  9. The next time you need a conversation torpedoed, tentatively (but earnestly!) declare that you "kinda get" autoerotic asphyxiation.
  10. THIS TWEET hereby entitles the reader to $5 should they bear witness to my pilfering a single string from a full set for short-term gain.
  11. Either the neighbors are smothering a feebly-protesting Rick Ross with a pillow, or somebody forgot the "nice speakers" part of huss-a-lin'.
  12. Bridezillas, socioculturally: leaving a vat of mayo in the sun for days, taking a huge whiff, and proclaiming "Well I don't smell THAT bad".
  13. Classes. Are. DONE. By rights, I should be dead, but turns out all I needed was 20 consecutive hours of sleep. No problem. Piece of cake.
  14. Fetal pig dissections today. My rooms are just beyond the horrific visual epicenter, but still very much within formaldehyde blast radius.
  15. Beyond vile, beyond noxious, beyond blasphemous was the stench that exited with the Mexican Leftovers: Eschatological. Sorry, Earth. My "B".
  16. Hearken these words, Good people, for mine is a tale of woe! A tale of Phish Food consumed in its store-vessel without portion aforethought!
  17. Look, you can't just assume people will understand your "girlfriend's gone = pants zero" policy. But you did. And now you're incarcerated.
  18. Woah, take it easy, offendanistas: they're not MY houseplants.
  19. Man, houseplants are an order of magnitude easier to neglect to death than cats.
  20. Stairs: nobody bats 1.000.