phylhrmnix
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Vitalic has the cure for yr Static Ass Syndrome:
Seriously if you somehow remain still, I'm calling the paramedics.
about 6 hours ago
from web
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After so many years of squandered opportunity, the Cleveland Browns really owe it to the team's bus driver to make it to the Super Bowl.
9:11 PM Nov 10th
from web
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Happy Holidember, dears!
(Nov 5 - Jan 4. It's a goofy thing @ & I do that we think others might like. Like most of what we do.)
12:11 PM Nov 10th
from web
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OKAY EVERYBODY mute the TV and listen a sec: it's gonna be @'s Birthday in 2 minutes. I trust you all to do the right thing.
8:58 PM Nov 4th
from web
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Oh, WOAH! "Windbreaker!" Man, I've got YEARS of immature snickering to make up for. "Windbreaker." Heh heh. "Fartknocker." Heh heh heh.
12:51 PM Nov 2nd
from web
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WANTED: someone in the NYC area to quickly come over and paint a W-goatee on my chin so I don't fuck it up. Please be drug/disease free.
7:17 PM Oct 31st
from web
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...wait, so NONE of you quietly make the TIE Fighter noise with your mouth when you walk by someone really quickly?
1:16 PM Oct 29th
from web
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I suspect I lack the white guilt, childhood head trauma, and/or developmental emotional nurturing to appreciate "You Can Call Me Al".
1:22 PM Oct 28th
from Brizzly
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Nilla Wafers: ...then why are you still eating them?™
8:08 AM Oct 28th
from web
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Not that I'm upset to be going to a friend's wedding, but having to shave robs me of my costume trump card (a home-grown Princestash).
5:35 PM Oct 22nd
from web
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I don't think Soundgarden's drummer knew what a hi-hat even *looked* like until "Down On The Upside".
8:12 PM Oct 19th
from Brizzly
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I stopped using the infinite ammo code when I was 14. So, way to hang in there with that IDKFA, Yankees.
1:27 AM Oct 18th
from web
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Weirded out the coworkers a bit with my eagerness to wear the chicken suit for the Science Department yearbook photo. This is actually true.
11:26 PM Oct 15th
from web
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There comes a tiny loss of innocence the first time you hear a teacher fart. So, uh, sorry kid.
1:51 PM Oct 15th
from Twitterrific
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Unphotographed - the End Of Line guy at Trader Joe's pulling a Star Wars Kid with his sign.
6:35 PM Oct 14th
from Brizzly
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The Post Office is the Guantánamo Bay of free afternoons.
7:49 AM Oct 9th
from web
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If our point of first contact involves you cussing at inanimate objects, you've got maybe 5 seconds to tip the scales from Crazy to Bad Day.
8:18 PM Oct 8th
from web
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I'd like to think the alarm that went off in Target alerted customers to my Moonwalking-while-alone-in-elevator. Me, I'm a like-to-thinker.
8:46 PM Oct 5th
from Brizzly
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Without @ for tweet-proofing, expect a deluge of stories about kids and coded messages about @ iolating-vay her ildo-day.
2:45 PM Oct 5th
from Brizzly
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This morning's breakfast: day-old bagel, plain, straight, no chaser.
8:39 AM Oct 5th
from web
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