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phillygirl

  1. Theory: Municipality not paying to fix potholes, but allowing them to grow to foxhole-size, in hopes of earning federal funding for defense.
  2. _Unrequited Love and Unsaturated Fats_, the tale of one cafeteria man's quest to deep fry & supersize his way into the heart of his beloved.
  3. It's only a matter of time before coworkers suggest tying a bell around my neck to protect the innocent from my foul moods.
  4. Rooting thru the closet I find a bag of telephone cords. For phones that plug into walls. Phones I don't have. A bag full. That I'm saving.
  5. GAH, fallen bean! So we meet again, space between the fridge & cabinet! Laugh now, my foe, but whn I design my kitchen I will eliminate you!
  6. Though we may travel the earth over, east coasters never lose that urge to lurch forth and shove slow-moving people.
  7. Your tv may be too big if you reflexively duck during shoot out scenes.
  8. It was the Ministry of Silly Runs tonight at the gym, starring Bounce-Prance guy, Arm Flapper Guy, & (my personal favorite) Backstroke Lady.
  9. WS_FTP WTF! They messed w/our server then outsourced our tech support, so I'm on phone w/India (on hold,w/muzak) to get into my own website.
  10. As if it weren't enough that I work on a Dell that runs Vista, the start-up noise are the 2 principal notes of a B-side Rick Astley song.
  11. Looking up the function of the frontal lobe of the brain, trying to decide if I can risk flossing any harder to get this piece of popcorn.
  12. What kind of jackass writes IN PEN in a library book? I think this is the episode I discover my "Avenger of LibraryBooks!" superhero calling
  13. To me, a hardware store opening down the st. means unsanctioned apartment renovations & a 50/50 toss-up between my imminent injury/eviction.
  14. No, I'm sure it has nothing to do with my stress level that all night I dreamt about ways to cover up a murder.
  15. Scrutinizing the contents of the new neighbors' open U-Haul. Just want to see what we're in store for. The cat tower promises some crazy.
  16. "If I eat Chex instead, I'll need the bigger bowl because the surface area is greater & density lesser than Cheerios" -My internal monologue
  17. I'm surprised this child's parents let him leave the safety of the womb. Child is 1) wearing a helmet 2) riding a tricycle 3) on the grass.
  18. Novice driver misjudged golf cart turning radius and is stuck between 2 poles. He's mortified. His friends are taking pictures for facebook.
  19. After the elevator skipped my floor the 3rd time, all I could do to cover was throw my arms in the air and pretend I was riding for fun.
  20. Excuse me, @lonelysandwich, could you please @putthison?