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pheend

  1. Gonna have strippers at my funeral in order to mourn the passing of the life I did not lead.
  2. @rejecter Then I'm your murse.
  3. Gonna study for 12 hours again today in order to ensure that I still kill you when I am a practicing nurse.
  4. Overcompensation is exhausting.
  5. Tootsie Roll Hammock
  6. Hair is the mushroom of the nose. [whisper THAT to your kids before bed tonight]
  7. Every time an iPhone gets wet an angel doesn't.
  8. Having much less public restroom stage fright thanks to my new strategy of thinking about your mother.
  9. Just had a premonition that I will have sex sometime within the next 50 years.
  10. Found $22 on the ground, or as I now call it, Mother Nature's bedstand.
  11. If psychologists observed me for a day, then they would revisit the lower limit of the neonatal IQ range.
  12. My inner woman? Pfft. I'm in touch with my inner little girl. Co-worker used to call me "Princess", and I liked it.
  13. @CampNicole Fear my genius like you would a sewer.
  14. Can't grasp the whole obsessive video gaming thing. How do gamers find time for porn?
  15. Vampire jokes never get old.
  16. Halter? Why, is she a go-er?
  17. If I could bang avatars ... well, you get the picture. After me.
  18. Who asked you?
  19. Guessing that Smack-A-Bitch™ is much funner to play with two people.
  20. A non-pharmaceutical cure for ADD? Boobs.