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@mattrudge You destroyed my career tonight, Matt Trudge, with your spiteful words about my elfin humour & in other ways.4:00 PM Dec 19thfrom txt
@mrwaite What should an elf on the shelf do? Please respond as soon as possible.2:34 PM Dec 19thfrom txt
@mrwaite Matt Trudge is lying. I never sexed him, even though he asked for it repeatedly. I was too busy.2:25 PM Dec 19thfrom txt
@Mrwaite Why must the baboon be gay? Don't heterosexual baboons like banana spray? Please respond as soon as possible.2:12 PM Dec 19thfrom txt
Just performed for a gang of elves plus a naughty santa. The show ended in bitter recrimination, laughter and elf love.1:48 PM Dec 19thfrom txt
I had to use a shovel to make my car reach my house today. What a palaver! I am nyce and warm now. What a pullover!8:51 AM Dec 18thfrom txt
Lunched at a posh plaice called Ston Easton Posh Country Hotel in Somerset. Having a Countdown-induced doze now.7:56 AM Dec 17thfrom txt
I awoke at 11pm and watched Nightwatch with silly Steve Scott. Now I keep thinking about the Lady in the Lake and other nyce murders.5:46 PM Dec 16thfrom txt
Nanna Foot and I are exhausted. We are having an early night at the B&B at 8pm.1:04 PM Dec 16thfrom txt
