paulfeig
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Saw some nuns in white sneakers today. If you sing "nuns in white sneakers" to the Moody Blues' "Knights in White Satin," you'll never stop.
1:41 PM Nov 22nd
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Kudos to the couple in the hotel room way down the hall from me having the loudest sex ever. If a baby results, that kid's gonna be huge.
10:05 AM Nov 22nd
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Anybody else sort of hit their limit for the sound of girls screaming about vampires on TV this weekend? No offense, ladies, but uncle.
7:10 AM Nov 21st
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I'm no longer hot. Now it seems I'm one of the 10 Mild-With-An-80%-Chance-Of-Rain Twitterers. Sorry if I ruin your weekend outings.
5:20 AM Nov 20th
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Yes, it's true. I am hot. So hot that I can't seem to stop sweating. And what's hotter than that?
5:51 AM Nov 19th
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There is no more compelling family drama on TV than the Huntington Learning Center ads. The conflict! At least they're all happy at the end.
4:24 AM Nov 17th
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If you talk on the phone while you're on the toilet, is that considered multi-tasking?
7:13 PM Nov 16th
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Oh, asparagus, what an ego you have. You were good going in. You don't need to make your presence known a few hours later. (Gross, I know.)
7:14 PM Nov 15th
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Glad Joe Jackson sold One More Time to Taco Bell for their Gordita ads. Whenever I heard that song in my youth, I always envisioned tacos.
4:24 PM Nov 15th
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It's Saturday, people. It's Saturday. Just wanted to make sure that fact wasn't lost on anybody. My work here is done. (Feig flies away)
7:46 AM Nov 14th
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Good night, dear friends. I'm tired but sentimental this evening. Seize whatever's left of the night. I'll be in bed like someone's grandpa.
9:43 PM Nov 13th
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Just want to give a shout out to all the guys named Joe in the world. Yes, friends, tonight belongs to you. Go forth and Joe it up. Now.
6:52 PM Nov 13th
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Who is Burt and why are we trusting the most delicate parts of our bodies to his bees? Instead, try my Paul's Pigs lip balm and lotions.
8:30 PM Nov 12th
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Purple.
5:16 PM Nov 11th
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I consider myself the Shakira of middle-aged guys. Minus the dancing. And the singing. And the good looks. But I'm still a Shakira type.
9:32 PM Nov 10th
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Donald Trump's empire would be much funnier if his last name was Poorly-Made.
7:51 AM Nov 10th
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Current score: Feig 1/Weekend 4. Saw Hair on Broadway. That was my 1. Hope to even the score tonight. Watching my Bored to Death with Ames.
4:05 PM Nov 8th
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Well, somehow the weekend seems to be kicking my ass at the moment. I'm regrouping now. Round 2 tonight! Hi-YA!!! (Feig splits pants)
2:31 PM Nov 7th
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Hey, weekend! Are you ready to get your ass kicked? By me? Watch out! (Feig rolls over, goes back to sleep, pleased with his empty threat)
4:37 AM Nov 7th
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My tail-feathers, money-maker, booty and groove-thing have all been shaken. And now they hurt. Thanks for the crappy advice, dance music.
6:55 PM Nov 3rd
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- Name paulfeig
- Bio Paul is a guy who wears suits and tries not to screw things up. He also created Freaks and Geeks.
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