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paul_e_wog

  1. This time of year I give thanks that I have remained single, thus avoiding any of those messy double homicides caused by in-laws. about 11 hours ago from Twitterrific
  2. @stevewhitaker Same way you'd poison a human. Oh wait, do you mean a turkey that's being prepared as dinner? Still the same way as a human. about 15 hours ago from web in reply to stevewhitaker
  3. Three years in a row I've waited for November and still no word from Wyclef Jean. about 18 hours ago from web
  4. Just throwing this out there 'Kay Jewelers', but not *every* kiss begins with Kay. Go ahead, ask any drunk girl ever. 3:50 PM Nov 24th from web
  5. I start my new Wal-Mart seasonal job on Friday! My official title is "White Trash Herder". 1:01 PM Nov 24th from web
  6. What are the odds J. Wellington Wimpy *is* the Hamburglar? 4:50 PM Nov 23rd from web
  7. Dude, Bono, she's not moving in mysterious ways. It's pretty obvious she's sprinting. Away from you. Like the rest of the female populace. 10:36 AM Nov 23rd from web
  8. Probably the worst part about Thanksgiving and the Holidays in general is realizing that I'm the drunk uncle. 7:51 PM Nov 22nd from web
  9. Black Friday is recognized as the day I can murder you over that amazing sweater you *think* you're buying for your boyfriend you hooker. 5:42 PM Nov 22nd from web
  10. "I'm sorry abacus, I still love you, but I'm leaving. You've changed. It's as if I can no longer count on you." 5:20 PM Nov 22nd from web
  11. I hate renting dwarfs during peak season. 2:20 PM Nov 21st from web
  12. Happy Birthday @JephKelley! I got you tickets to Springsteen! And by "tickets" I mean "the url of a barely audible 'youtube' video." :-( 1:59 PM Nov 21st from web
  13. @baileygenine Last year I was arrested and beheaded for bringing Christianity to Rome like my namesake and my parents *still* aren't happy. 7:04 PM Nov 20th from web in reply to baileygenine
  14. This hot astronomer asked me to go see a new moon or something, but she can't fool me, we're currently in the waning crescent phase. 5:45 PM Nov 20th from web
  15. Probably a good date idea in the middle-ages would be to take a girl to 'Hooters' because everyone knows hot wings are better than mutton. 5:26 PM Nov 20th from web
  16. So you went to see 'New Moon' last night. Now it's time to make a decision that's not completely terrible: follow @john_a_hughes. 10:45 AM Nov 20th from web
  17. I broke up with my last girlfriend when her Mom mentioned "wedding bills" when referring to us. Sorry, but I'm not paying any wedding bills. 10:30 AM Nov 20th from web
  18. What's the difference between "sexy" and "sexist"? I know I'm one of the two. Can any of you *ladies* help me out? <gives exaggerated wink> 3:38 AM Nov 20th from web
  19. It's like I always say, where there's smoke, there's San Francisco Giants two time Cy Young award winner, Tim Lincecum. 6:29 PM Nov 19th from web
  20. It's amazing how texting my ex "Oprah is ending her show" can ruin her day & make mine. It's the little things, people. The little things. 4:08 PM Nov 19th from web