pagecrusher
Okay, although you doctors might make your careers by saving lives, your use of glow sticks on the dance floor is killing me.
| Hey, guy in the button-down and flip flops. Don't call me "big guy" while requesting Britney for your girl. I'm pulling your dance card. |
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| Drunk and dancing doctors give me little faith in the future of American health care. Their heel bone's connected to their fail bone. |
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| Wedged in traffic on 26 West. I need an ice cream sandwich and a helicopter. |
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| Shave your head. Wear a hat until you're sweating sheets of saline. Ride in a car with the windows down, take off your hat. That's my world. |
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| @AinsleyofAttack, my squeeze and business partner, was mentioned on Gawker. Later she'll be mentioned in my dream journal. |
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| @bpw The guy inside that rustbucket cargo van thinks so too. |
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| I was just told that I have "the thighs of a panther". |
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| Woke up sweating, wearing only my faded Uncle-Sam Army shirt. My armpits smell like duck sauce. DJing the OHSU graduation today. |
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| Talking gear ratios like y'all talk gas mileage. |
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| Within mere heartbeats, a legion of tiny black ants found my popscicle stick. |
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| I'm sitting in the Alliteration Station parking lot and eating a King Size Nestl? Crunch Ice Cream Bar while the rest of Portland sweats. |
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| Been waiting on Spore for so long that my expectations are higher than the running boards on God's Cadillac. |
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| I only notice the dirt underneath my fingernails when I am about to put them inside someone. |
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| Rode the Land Shark from SE to NE, blinded by sweat and sunshine. Gazed at every little thing. Amazing I didn't get hit by a parked car. |
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| Sean Battles won't drink the backwash of my spicy Blenheim Ginger Ale. I thought we were friends. |
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| When the highlight of your day is buying a notebook, it's time to take stock of your life and reconsider an addiction to heroin and/or meth. |
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| My girlfriend just told me I taste like butterscotch. She's a vegan. She's also in A.A. |
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| Signs I'm living my life correctly: first thing I see when I wake up is a naked woman. The second thing I see is my bicycle. |
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| If I started an ill-organized historical society, our motto would be "No future". |
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