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overheard

  1. "I've got a man sized portion" http://is.gd/4XniQ I've got a man-sized portion right here. *OH!*
  2. outside the Dom Post: You can have that lube if you want it, it hasn't been used. http://is.gd/4T8no Well, that's reassuring.
  3. in Vegas about Wayne Newton: He's had so much work done that he looks like a 6 year old asian woman. http://is.gd/4Sn9e
  4. "There's X and there's triple-X. What's XX? Is that like 'kind of porny'?" http://is.gd/4RO9W
  5. I know you're hungry but don't eat the urinal cake. You want a Krispy Cream to hold you over? http://is.gd/4Quhx
  6. "I don't go camping. Camping, for me, is like... staying at a Westin." http://is.gd/4N3Z2
  7. in the office: "I wish Gary was here to smell my meat." http://is.gd/4MkPp Mine, too.
  8. roommates at lunch: "I've never had sex in a car." "I have. Your car." "Yeah, I know. I was driving." http://is.gd/4LfPf
  9. on NJ Transit tonight: 'I'm taking my son to visit his father in jail. Oh, and I'm sorry I threw up in your car.' http://is.gd/4KDRd
  10. "You're looking at their nipples. I'm looking at their faces." http://is.gd/4Ki2i
  11. pick up line in the pub: "Your boobs. They're nice. Can I look at 'em?". http://is.gd/4JIfs Question is, did it work?
  12. gem of the morning: "nice zombie costume lil girl" "I'm not dressed up, I have excema" http://is.gd/4IlHG Ouch!
  13. in the office "I've just had to make some changes to my package". Who said office romance was dead? http://is.gd/4H1FK
  14. at school: "God knows, I pee in every pool I go in" http://is.gd/4t4cF
  15. the bride facebooked me to complain I didn't rsvp. I said, 'bitch, I'm the maid of honor!' http://is.gd/4sMzS
  16. in Brooklyn deli: "What kinda car you got? You got enough room in the trunk?" ... "Yeah about 2 or 3 bodies' worth." http://is.gd/4rI8C
  17. at Borders: "I wanna make her feel like the whore that she is." http://is.gd/4qJ1q Aw, now that's love.
  18. "Yeah, this weather is amazing. If it were a man, I'd let it have its way with me." http://is.gd/4pSYc
  19. "This Michael Jackson costume is so bad, it doesn't even look like him. Tear the nose off. Oh yeah...now it does." http://is.gd/4pK5R
  20. in SB restaurant: if it's not syphilis that I have, what is it? http://is.gd/4osR7 If you have to ask, you don't want to know.