ottok
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This is funnier to me if I post it here.
9:04 AM Nov 2nd
from web
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@ I listed mine for free on Craigslist and even in my smaller city had a dozen replies.
12:15 PM Oct 11th
from Tweetie
in reply to Moltz
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just broke into new package of oreos please please please send something salty omg kthxbai
9:07 PM Aug 22nd
from web
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Need to blame someone for something. Any suggestions?
10:23 AM Jul 30th
from web
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I'm listening to "Bad Company" by Bad Company, from the album Bad Company. Ask me about my mood. I dare you.
12:12 PM Jul 13th
from web
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Turns out we're out of meatballs, so for the spaghetti how about chicken nuggets? That's like making chicken parmigiana, right?
6:18 PM Jul 8th
from web
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That ShamWow guy better look both ways before crossing the street.
10:27 AM Jun 28th
from web
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@ ARMAGEDDON PEOPLE?
ORDINARY ARMAGEDDON?
ARMAGEDDON SICK OF YOU?
2:13 PM Jun 25th
from web
in reply to writerspry
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dialing my ninjas
12:25 PM Jun 25th
from web
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@ And yet you keep ending up with more and more iPhones in the house. I wonder if that's related.
8:02 PM Jun 21st
from Tweetie
in reply to gruber
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So the Hallmark store now has a section of Father's Day cards for "if your dad is Darth Vader." This specialization has gone a bit far.
11:35 AM Jun 21st
from Tweetie
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Talking smack during chess with a peer: fine. Nerdy, but fine. Gloating during first game of Monopoly with my six year old: not so cool.
1:07 PM Jun 20th
from web
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Wrong number call:
Me: "Hello?"
Old lady: "Would you like to come over and cut some roses for me? I'm not feeling too steady on my feet."
1:28 PM May 28th
from web
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The wife poked at Twitter, decided it's a sign of all that is wrong with society. But honey, you've not seen a RT RT as Facebook status yet.
10:58 AM May 28th
from web
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Wondering why these chaps make my ass look fat. They're marketed as assless chaps.
10:26 AM May 23rd
from Tweetie
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Wondering why the keep-baby-dry technology in Pampers and Huggies isn't also being used for anti-drool pillowcases. Related: need pillows.
9:14 PM May 22nd
from Tweetie
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@ Were they supposed to be related? ... Oh. Okay. They might be funnier if they're related. And I didn't explain it. Never mind.
12:25 AM May 3rd
from Tweetie
in reply to oldgentleman
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Guy behind me at the store bought 80 pounds of pork roast and five pounds of rice. Normal week: party! This week: he's a terrorist, right?
12:23 AM May 3rd
from web
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@ I was in a rest stop by 30.
12:32 AM May 2nd
from web
in reply to oldgentleman
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Stuck a soapy finger in my eye, had several thoughts. 1. I'm a klutz. 2. Hope nobody finds out. 3. I've got to post this on social networks.
12:29 AM May 2nd
from web
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- Name Otto
- Location inside my own head
- Web http://www.robots...
- Bio I am an escaped monkey from the zoo. Don't tell anyone.
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