onehelluvadame
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A Navy dude came into Yorgo's and told me I was "a gorgeous, stunning woman," then told me he was drunk. Hmm. B minus, I guess.
about 5 hours ago
from web
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And no, Mom, we don't have cardinal ornaments, so quit asking; I don't CARE if you leave me out of the inheritance. I'd spent it on booze.
about 7 hours ago
from web
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Also mustache ornaments that say "10 cent Rides," the skull of Abraham Lincoln, and slutty tattoed mermaids. Christmas is glorious.
about 7 hours ago
from web
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My @ and I started making clay ornaments, some of which are vaginal in nature, so if you need a "claytoris" holler at me. Pics soon.
about 7 hours ago
from web
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@ Baby, I'd remove your ripped condom bag of giblets any day.
about 7 hours ago
from web
in reply to frangia
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"If I go home and the kitchen is in the same state as it was this morning, I will personally stick a plate up your ass." - Boss on phone.
2:00 PM Nov 24th
from web
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I just reached my hands into a cold turkey and pulled out what looked to be a frozen giblet penis. Et tu, Thanksgiving?
9:09 AM Nov 24th
from web
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Note to self: if someone annoys you via text message, there is a good chance they will be even more obnoxious on a date in real life.
8:49 PM Nov 23rd
from web
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Propers to my brother for his bravery in the ER with a testicular torsion. Sorry dad kept calling you a "nut case" to the doctor. Snort.
1:02 PM Nov 23rd
from web
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You know you're on the Eastern Shore when a dude tries to impress you by mentioning his championship title in a cornhole tournament.
9:00 AM Nov 22nd
from web
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Something inside of me is mortally offended that iTunes Joni Mitchell tracks go for 99 cents and The Fray go for $1.29. Come on, America.
8:46 AM Nov 22nd
from web
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"I wasn't a saint in high school but I also wasn't Laura Watkins." - Co-worker, five minutes ago. Y'alls judgy, is what y'alls is.
12:46 PM Nov 21st
from web
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I kind of like it when the bathroom lights are off at work on the weekends because it makes me feel like I'm peeing in a cave.
12:19 PM Nov 21st
from web
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I flirted shamelessly with a TV reporter today. Tell me more about your investigative journalistic tactics, News Anchor Sweet-Behind.
9:52 AM Nov 21st
from web
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I love curry so much that you could smother a piece of dried weasel shit in it and I would probably take at least four bites.
2:56 PM Nov 20th
from web
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@ That means you have to make time for us to take you to Hoss's Biker Bar! Bring pictures of your vagina for Paul!
2:53 PM Nov 20th
from web
in reply to 23hearts
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I just got eyefucked so hard by a mall cop that it is entirely possible l am now pregnant.
12:30 PM Nov 20th
from txt
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"To Wong Foo" is on and l am reminded that Wesley Snipes's legs are hotter than mine. Fuck.
10:06 AM Nov 20th
from txt
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I'd like to go to the office Christmas party tonight, but searching for a new job in the morning is such a goddamn hassle.
12:41 PM Nov 19th
from web
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November is now officially Ex-Boyfriends Trying to Reconnect Month. December? - probably Take a Gay Man to Your Christmas Party Month.
7:01 AM Nov 19th
from web
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- Name Laura Watkins
- Location Norfolk, Virginia
- Web http://www.onehel...
- Bio Face of a schoolgirl, mouth of a lumberjack.
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