nutgraph
- My mother just got on Facebook, added me, then signed her message to me with "BFF". My head is about to explode like that guy in "Scanners"about 19 hours ago from Twittelator
- No one thwarts anything anymore. I haven't thwarted in ages! And why do we only thwart Evil? Do we really need to be such thrifty thwarters?about 23 hours ago from Twittelator
- After hearing both of them speak, I'm convinced that Pooty Tang started out as one of the Sims.11:03 PM Jul 16th from Twittelator
- is looking forward to watching "Shovin' Buddies" tonight, followed by an all new "Slowly Rotating Black Man". Fox FTW!7:44 PM Jul 15th from Twittelator
- In response to movies like Brüno and Spinal Tap abusing the umlaut, I will henceforth spell my name with a tilde over the second "a". Enjoy.4:40 PM Jul 8th from Twittelator
- While stargazing last night, I realized the Big Dipper ain't so big. I could take him. Punk bitch...10:58 AM Jul 8th from Twittelator
- Just prematurely fired off a tweet. I feel like less of a man somehow. Hope they make a pill for this...1:33 PM Jul 5th from Twittelator
- I'm holding a cup made from 100% corn plastic. What manner of men are these who can summon up flame without flint or tinder?8:12 PM Jul 4th from Twittelator
- @poobou Christ wore diapers?!?! Blasphemer!! Kill the heretic! Shun the nonbeliever!!!8:38 PM Jul 2nd from Twittelator in reply to poobou
- Did Jesus wear underwear? I doubt it existed, yet it just seems wrong to think Christ went commando everywhere.5:10 PM Jul 2nd from Twittelator
- I'm trying to weigh the dog's anxiety about being alone against my need to poop w/o her sitting at my feet, looking at me expectantly.5:45 PM Jun 26th from Twittelator
- @poobou I imagine that would depend on the strength of the epidural. Wokka, wokka!12:10 PM Jun 20th from Twittelator in reply to poobou
- A new "first" in my life: someone just wished me a happy Father's Day. Made me a wee bit sad on sooooo many levels.11:40 AM Jun 20th from Twittelator
- It makes perfect sense that Adderall XR costs about $350. After all, it's made from powdered unicorn horn and basilisk's tongues.5:48 PM Jun 19th from Twittelator
- You can only dream of being as adorable as she! Kneel before Zoe! http://twitpic.com/67w8l4:43 PM May 29th from TwitterFon
- @poobou LOL! I know that expression well. Across the pond, it's a mildly snarky comment. Here, it's a spousal declaration of war.4:30 PM May 29th from TwitterFon in reply to poobou
- @poobou Even I know if you say "more cow bell" during sex she's gonna respond, "You saying I'm fat?!" Dead man walking...3:17 PM May 26th from TwitterFon in reply to poobou
- I'm kinda bummed that potato chips don't count as "roughage". Seems like they should, right? Sadly, my colon says they don't.1:37 PM May 15th from TwitterFon
- @mikepalomino Many men & women have had your ex? Those Jersey girls, eh?8:58 PM May 11th from TwitterFon in reply to mikepalomino
- "Klingon metropolis ahead, capt. Sensors indicate they built this city on rock and roll." -my rejected pilot, Jefferson Starship Enterprise8:57 AM May 8th from TwitterFon
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- Name Alan
- Location Shell Beach
- Bio Author, lover, Harvard grad student. Granted, I don't do any of these things particularly well...
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