nick86
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Seen road sign: "Embryos Are Tiny Babies." Yeah, I'm going to call bullshit on that. You can't force someone to pay Embryo Support.
7:40 AM Nov 22nd
from UberTwitter
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You learn a lot about yourself when you're holed up in a car with your family for 27 hours. Like how you can be a member of this family.
6:22 AM Nov 22nd
from UberTwitter
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When I was addressed as "Shaggy," it was considered acceptable, but when I responded with "Snoop Dogg," it became a racist matter (?).
4:28 PM Nov 17th
from UberTwitter
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When you write for an online publication, the phrase "spiked punch and broken hymens" should NEVER be used to reference a high school prom.
10:53 AM Nov 11th
from web
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@ But saying "bbm" would just make everyone think we were elitists...Well...OK...We're elitists!
10:40 AM Nov 11th
from web
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SMS texts should never be taken literally. "Get a coat. Um, you drive" might not mean the same thing when everything under the coat is nude.
10:33 AM Nov 11th
from web
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I just dreamed about work for what seems to be hours. Great. Now my morning shift just got longer by 5 hours. I'm calling the labor dept.
2:38 AM Nov 7th
from UberTwitter
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I shouldn't have to wait in the drive-thru at McDonald's this long while I'm naked. The burgers should flock my way.
10:19 PM Nov 6th
from UberTwitter
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@, @, @: Greetings...chew on this:
6:49 PM Nov 5th
from web
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It's like White Trash had an orgy in here and decided to use Meth Head as a form of contraception.
10:57 AM Nov 2nd
from UberTwitter
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Our Father who art in heaven--OK. Forget it. Look God, if you let me pass out in a pool of my own wine (again), I'm converting to Buddhism.
5:15 PM Oct 27th
from UberTwitter
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Heading to Nashville for something unrelated to music. Cue: The End Of The World.
11:58 AM Oct 25th
from UberTwitter
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I'm carrying around a cup for Halloween. When people ask me what I am, I'll reply with: "A sperm donor. Want to watch me fill this up?"
5:33 PM Oct 23rd
from web
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Quit calling Neighborhood Watch. The tiny people you see from my window are just mannequins. It's OK to be naked.Because they're mannequins.
8:37 PM Oct 22nd
from UberTwitter
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My car is NOT an economical piece of shit. He's just in Hibernation Mode.
11:27 PM Oct 16th
from web
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Every time I read a trending topic, they're almost always filled with the words: Nigga, Niggas, Shawty, Bitches.
1:08 PM Oct 16th
from web
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It's so cold in here and I'm trying to not use the heat. So I started a fire in my bedroom (pun intended).
10:22 AM Oct 16th
from web
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Just had a "barely made it in the car in time" scary movie moment. Except no gender ambiguous slayer was after me. Just a fast Girl Scout.
4:56 PM Oct 9th
from UberTwitter
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I'm so hungry I'm about to shove my face in the deep fryer and go bobbing for French Fries.
7:42 AM Oct 8th
from UberTwitter
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Finding human remains in your yard means 1 of 2 things. #1 your pet dog/cat is actually a dinosaur. #2 I taught the neighbor's kid a lesson
9:54 PM Oct 7th
from web
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- Name nick chaivarlis
- Location my laptop, GA/NV
- Web http://www.audioh...
- Bio i drive to where people should fly to
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