nicedream
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There are days, I step back and am baffled at our collective time and energy to trick others into buying our wares.
9:37 AM Nov 5th, 2009
from Brizzly
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Baseball is what a human zoo would look like where people sit, stand around, abruptly run, scratch, spit, chew, and touch themselves openly.
8:38 PM Nov 4th, 2009
from Tweetie
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There are absentee fathers because their daughters make them play pretend shopping at the craft store all evening.
7:40 PM Nov 4th, 2009
from Tweetie
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To get my daughter to eat her dinner, I had to stick toothpicks in bite-size portions and hold it on a platter while wearing a hairnet.
2:58 PM Nov 3rd, 2009
from Tweetie
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If it wasn't for my parents, I wouldn't know to guilt people into liking me.
11:43 AM Nov 3rd, 2009
from Brizzly
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The company has announced all employees suck except for the 16 winners of Employee Recognition Awards with an all expenses paid vacation.
9:17 AM Nov 3rd, 2009
from Brizzly
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I wish Asian people would stop making martial arts movies.
7:29 PM Nov 2nd, 2009
from Tweetie
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She exchanged her time toiling in a cube for a shot of Botox in the face. And how I wish she wasn't here.
6:45 AM Nov 2nd, 2009
from Brizzly
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Our new neighbor is not on the sex offender registry. I asked.
12:26 PM Nov 1st, 2009
from Tweetie
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The eventuality of my daughter muttering "dumbass" as she walks away from me at 3 years old was never considered.
9:50 AM Oct 30th, 2009
from Brizzly
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There must be a correlation between the country's economic growth and my wife forgetting to use her coupons for our dinners at Denny's.
4:50 PM Oct 29th, 2009
from Tweetie
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It's too bad germ-a-phobe girl is unaware the man sharing his bagels never washes his hands in the restroom.
3:11 AM Oct 29th, 2009
from Brizzly
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I'm happy because my mother-in-law is being placed in the Witness Protection Program.
7:10 PM Oct 28th, 2009
from Tweetie
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My wife has banned happy ending fairy tales in the house to keep our daughter from future disappointment, as if our life was not enough.
5:48 PM Oct 27th, 2009
from Tweetie
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My daughter with no concept of an indoor voice, "does that man have a penis?"
2:46 PM Oct 27th, 2009
from Tweetie
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While paying the bill of the credit card used by wife to purchase my birthday presents, I discovered she shopped at the Dollar Store.
5:59 PM Oct 26th, 2009
from Brizzly
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Once in a while, I like to change it up and be predictable.
1:38 PM Oct 26th, 2009
from Tweetie
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Over 2 years on Twitter and I still do not have any knowledge to share in this meeting on the use of social media for our company.
10:01 AM Oct 26th, 2009
from Brizzly
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I feel sorry for my daughter who outgrew playing peek-a-boo years ago while her poor English-speaking grandparents have not.
7:08 PM Oct 25th, 2009
from Tweetie
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I'm planning our 12 hour trek to the in-laws for Thanksgiving and getting all of the necessary vaccinations.
4:56 PM Oct 25th, 2009
from Brizzly
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