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nicedream

  1. Between the child's tantrums and fantastic imagination, being a parent prepares you for working in a psychiatric hospital.
  2. After all these years, I know I am the same boy I used to be except for the delusion of being a gangster growing up in public housing.
  3. Brightly-colored animals are usually poisonous or taste foul just like people.
  4. To stop my wife from frivolous spending by wiping out our bank account, buying Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Snuggie-knockoffs for everyone.
  5. She's like the son I'll never have when she wears a chocolate pudding mustache. I'm never washing her face.
  6. I'm afraid for my daughter's future because of aversion to pants with buttons and zippers.
  7. I need to delude myself with god, love or self-importance to counter this petty life.
  8. I am looking forward to my daughter being done with her I-Don't-Like-Daddy Phase. I'm running out of things to clean with her toothbrush.
  9. A card and envelope is going around the office for someone's shower. Hoping it's for me; this is Day 4 of bathroom remodeling at home.
  10. I am home alone. Turning on Private Browsing and turning off Safe Search.
  11. I hate getting to know you. I end up relating with you. It is a reminder of not being a unique and beautiful snowflake.
  12. It is like wearing a feedbag at the dinner table when I push this shopping cart with its own cup holder holding a chocolate milkshake.
  13. I have never felt so alone and sad as I did in that room with all of those men chatty and giddy over the 30% sale at Banana Republic.
  14. Those who can't do, are social media experts.
  15. If I acknowledge failing to validate her feelings in the past, does that mean I am validating her feelings now?
  16. Since I can't get the respect of my 3 year old daughter, the fear in the old man in his Audi as I approach will have to do.
  17. Shit my daughter says a little too loud with my wife nearby, "they have big breasts, huh Dada?"
  18. She's extorting money from me in exchange for not saying, "I don't like you, Dada," a second time. For now, she only wants $0.25 a day.
  19. One of these days I will have to fight a dwarf in a mall elevator because my daughter can't keep her mouth shut.
  20. Why is it always other Asians who rudely asks me where I am from.