nicedream
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Between the child's tantrums and fantastic imagination, being a parent prepares you for working in a psychiatric hospital.
about 4 hours ago
from Brizzly
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After all these years, I know I am the same boy I used to be except for the delusion of being a gangster growing up in public housing.
about 13 hours ago
from Brizzly
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Brightly-colored animals are usually poisonous or taste foul just like people.
about 20 hours ago
from Brizzly
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To stop my wife from frivolous spending by wiping out our bank account, buying Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Snuggie-knockoffs for everyone.
7:33 PM Nov 15th
from Brizzly
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She's like the son I'll never have when she wears a chocolate pudding mustache. I'm never washing her face.
1:11 PM Nov 14th
from Tweetie
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I'm afraid for my daughter's future because of aversion to pants with buttons and zippers.
6:34 AM Nov 14th
from Tweetie
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I need to delude myself with god, love or self-importance to counter this petty life.
11:41 AM Nov 13th
from Brizzly
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I am looking forward to my daughter being done with her I-Don't-Like-Daddy Phase. I'm running out of things to clean with her toothbrush.
6:11 PM Nov 12th
from Tweetie
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A card and envelope is going around the office for someone's shower. Hoping it's for me; this is Day 4 of bathroom remodeling at home.
11:22 AM Nov 12th
from Brizzly
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I am home alone. Turning on Private Browsing and turning off Safe Search.
5:34 PM Nov 11th
from Tweetie
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I hate getting to know you. I end up relating with you. It is a reminder of not being a unique and beautiful snowflake.
5:41 AM Nov 11th
from Brizzly
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It is like wearing a feedbag at the dinner table when I push this shopping cart with its own cup holder holding a chocolate milkshake.
6:01 PM Nov 10th
from Tweetie
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I have never felt so alone and sad as I did in that room with all of those men chatty and giddy over the 30% sale at Banana Republic.
11:33 AM Nov 10th
from Brizzly
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Those who can't do, are social media experts.
8:41 AM Nov 10th
from Brizzly
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If I acknowledge failing to validate her feelings in the past, does that mean I am validating her feelings now?
6:49 AM Nov 9th
from Brizzly
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Since I can't get the respect of my 3 year old daughter, the fear in the old man in his Audi as I approach will have to do.
6:15 PM Nov 7th
from Tweetie
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Shit my daughter says a little too loud with my wife nearby, "they have big breasts, huh Dada?"
8:36 AM Nov 7th
from Tweetie
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She's extorting money from me in exchange for not saying, "I don't like you, Dada," a second time. For now, she only wants $0.25 a day.
4:47 AM Nov 7th
from Tweetie
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One of these days I will have to fight a dwarf in a mall elevator because my daughter can't keep her mouth shut.
5:16 PM Nov 5th
from Tweetie
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Why is it always other Asians who rudely asks me where I am from.
4:41 PM Nov 5th
from Tweetie
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