nicedream
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She thinks I haven't said anything meaningful in over 10 years, which is less than I expected.
about 6 hours ago
from Tweetie
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Long after the will of living is gone, there is sleeping in the in-law's living room with freeze-dried roadkill hanging overhead.
8:02 PM Nov 24th
from Tweetie
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My daughter tells my in-laws she likes them and not me at dinner. Of course, my uncontrollable sobbing probably did not help matters.
5:09 PM Nov 24th
from Tweetie
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My father-in-law says this town is turning into San Francisco minus the prolific use of Cow Crossing signs.
12:00 PM Nov 24th
from Tweetie
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One night at the in-laws and I dreamt Santa was next to the tree, reading "How to Make Love to Your Mother."
9:09 AM Nov 24th
from Tweetie
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This week I'm pretending we're going camping in a Third World country with social unrest and violence, right on my in-law's futon.
5:25 AM Nov 23rd
from Brizzly
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Watching Home & Garden TV is like a peek into a parallel universe of peace and triviality.
12:40 PM Nov 21st
from Tweetie
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I can't wait for my 3 year old daughter to tell your kid the truth about Santa.
5:53 PM Nov 19th
from Tweetie
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I have been fighting the good-at-math Asian stereotype for so long, I forget I can add small numbers without a calculator.
1:01 PM Nov 19th
from Brizzly
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I don't know when it got to this point, but I now show off the cookies my wife baked for me to be the envy of my peers.
5:21 AM Nov 18th
from Brizzly
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My wife has been awful nice to me these last couple of days. Maybe she has finalized her plot to kill me.
6:15 PM Nov 17th
from Tweetie
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I wish I was like you, easily inspired.
6:02 PM Nov 17th
from Tweetie
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Between the child's tantrums and fantastic imagination, being a parent prepares you for working in a psychiatric hospital.
7:55 PM Nov 16th
from Brizzly
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After all these years, I know I am the same boy I used to be except for the delusion of being a gangster growing up in public housing.
11:02 AM Nov 16th
from Brizzly
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Brightly-colored animals are usually poisonous or taste foul just like people.
4:50 AM Nov 16th
from Brizzly
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To stop my wife from frivolous spending by wiping out our bank account, buying Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Snuggie-knockoffs for everyone.
7:33 PM Nov 15th
from Brizzly
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She's like the son I'll never have when she wears a chocolate pudding mustache. I'm never washing her face.
1:11 PM Nov 14th
from Tweetie
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I'm afraid for my daughter's future because of aversion to pants with buttons and zippers.
6:34 AM Nov 14th
from Tweetie
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I need to delude myself with god, love or self-importance to counter this petty life.
11:41 AM Nov 13th
from Brizzly
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I am looking forward to my daughter being done with her I-Don't-Like-Daddy Phase. I'm running out of things to clean with her toothbrush.
6:11 PM Nov 12th
from Tweetie
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