neverworn
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Right after we got the tires replaced, I caught her putting nails in the driveway. She confessed, she was sleeping with the mechanic.
6:33 AM Nov 24th
from Tweetie
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Salesman seemed so disconcerted by my tears that he left without making his pitch. I returned to chopping shallots in the kitchen.
10:41 AM Nov 17th
from Tweetie
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I had 18 silver dollar pancakes cooked before I remembered you were gone. I ate them all, fighting and gagging all the way, just like you.
10:33 AM Nov 17th
from Tweetie
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He thought about the day the chickens had attacked him. He remembered it every time he slaughtered turkeys. It was as close as he could get.
5:30 AM Nov 13th
from Tweetie
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Hearing my neck crack at the bottom of the stairs wasn't as bad as watching the cat empty its bowl and stare at me as she licked her lips.
7:35 PM Nov 10th
from Tweetie
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Even in protective custody, I still check under the car for bombs. It's very little known just how vindictive Oprah can be.
11:57 AM Nov 6th
from Tweetie
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If I had known I was going to have to catch myself from falling down the stairs, I'd never have put on so much damn hand lotion.
10:00 AM Nov 5th
from Tweetie
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Her cell showed sixteen texts from her mother demanding to know where she was. She couldn't reach it to text back, "pinned under the couch."
3:15 PM Nov 3rd
from Tweetie
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I thought razor blades in the Halloween Ale glasses would be a nice ironic joke. Try explaining that in the emergency room. Or to the police
5:46 PM Oct 31st
from Tweetie
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He slid the crumpled blue paper heart under her apartment door, rang her door then ran down the stairs. He never saw her again.
12:01 PM Oct 30th
from Tweetie
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Ten years ago, on a whim, he'd bought a how-to book on balloon animals. He makes them for a living now. Smartest dime he'd ever spent.
4:37 AM Jul 20th
from Tweetie
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Every time I take cookies to a party, I spike one of them. Snot, a sliver of soap, hot sauce. Tonight, I'm pulverizing glass in a pestle.
12:54 PM Jul 18th
from Tweetie
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My mother began to wonder if the people she knew online were real or were figments of her imagination. She doesn't even own a computer.
6:16 PM Jul 14th
from Tweetie
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When she was six, she began to love her imaginary sister more than her real sister. She was 43 before she realized she still felt that way.
9:49 PM Jul 2nd
from web
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He shouted and raved in the library courtyard, his voice rising and hysterical. No one paid him any attention. They didn't believe in aliens
12:02 PM Jun 24th
from Tweetie
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I stretched, then noticed I was on the floor. My watch said it was 7pm, and I'd never been so hung over. Wasn't I getting married today?
10:58 PM Jun 18th
from Tweetie
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Yawning, the bus driver swallowed a bee. As his tongue swelled, he lost consciousness. The passengers would only sleep a few more seconds.
6:12 PM Jun 4th
from Tweetie
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Instead of imagining people naked in meetings, she imagined everyone dead. When she started dreaming it the same way, her life grew easier.
11:20 AM Jun 1st
from web
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A week ago, I'd have laughed if you'd told me crocodiles could live this far north. He'll have to get tired of waiting eventually.
1:23 PM May 29th
from Tweetie
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We didn't need the rainbow to make the day any more perfect, but it was just like a sign. That night, I lost our life savings at Blackjack.
6:13 PM May 19th
from Tweetie
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- Name The Critic
- Location Why do you want to know?
- Web http://latereview...
- Bio Apocryphally, Hemingway wrote the story "For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn"
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