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ncguk

  1. It seems someone in Hollywood reads my tweets, as Paramount has just given the green light to 'Alien Vs Predator Vs Nazis Vs Bears'.
  2. What do you call a tomato in space? A space tomato. #crapjokes
  3. Of course, in a land war you want bears in your tanks.
  4. I'll also bring back the bloke from the BT ads as a gay vicar who runs a wedding massage parlour and whose catchphrase is "Why, God why?"
  5. Driven mad by years of Robert Lindsay enamelling his own cock, Zoe Wanamaker will become a skag-addled nudist.
  6. All The President's Orange #fruitfilms
  7. Once I'm the scriptwriter for 'My Family', the Robert Lindsay and Zoe Wanamaker characters will become white supremacist swingers.
  8. Today's horoscope: Ryan Seacreast will run a delicatessen from your back garden today. Can you get me some pastrami and a Lilt? Thanks.
  9. My favourite of the original trilogy, though, was 'Indiana Jones And The Ballhumming Toadstool Of Faith'.
  10. Is Gary Glitter still a touchy subject?
  11. Sandra Bullock #babycelebs
  12. I'll rephrase that.
  13. In my hands Robert Lindsay will just spout a succession of bon mots about oral.
  14. With a wit like this it can only be a matter of time before I'm offered the job of scriptwriter on 'My Family'.
  15. This library has a bra in the middle of it.
  16. Kramer Vs Kramer #reorderedfilms
  17. I'd like to hear an acoustic version of 'Welcome To The Jungle' with the word 'Jungle' replaced with the word 'Library'.
  18. @KingBobulousIII Thanks. You should try listening to Binty's album, 'Honk If You Sing Like Shakira'. It's very moving.
  19. A Clockwork Banana #fruitfilms
  20. Apologies to all fans of Binty McPhee.