myracles
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Holy crap I want to slap a cow so badly right now.
11:51 AM Nov 5th
from web
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Holy shit ladies! Did you know that belts can also be used to hold up your pants??
MIND. BLOWN!
12:12 PM Nov 4th
from web
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I just peed my pants and it looks like I spilled water on myself. How embarassing!
1:24 PM Nov 3rd
from txt
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...and then he wiped it on her face and that's how Movember started.
Wait. Scratch that.
That's a Dirty Sanchez.
4:25 PM Nov 2nd
from web
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Got home at 11:30. Ate lox, pickles and a muffin. I'm either pregnant or someone seriously needs to resock the fridge.
7:54 PM Oct 28th
from txt
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I just saw a clinically obese man with a tiny dog poking out of his fat rolls.
That is one stylish chubster.
8:48 AM Oct 25th
from txt
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My ipod died because I neglected to charge it. This is 'tamagotchi' all over again.
12:31 PM Oct 21st
from txt
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There's a creepy man mowing the lawn in my backyard. He said his name was Gard Ner. I'm notifying the authorities. GIMME BACK MY LAWN!
10:34 AM Oct 19th
from web
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The best cupcakes are the ones with the 'Do Not Eat' sign on them. Well, I'm assuming so. Cause that's the last thing Tim ate. Tim is dead.
7:05 PM Oct 18th
from Brizzly
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This Baileys has too much coffee in it.
12:02 PM Oct 15th
from txt
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Drunk brickbreaker is the hardest game EVER!!!
6:35 PM Oct 14th
from txt
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Living in a house with smokers makes one very wary of drinking from an opened coke can.
Cuz sometimes they don't contain cigarette butts.
5:23 PM Oct 13th
from web
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Sexing up against a brick wall: between a rock and a hard place? YES I'M PROUD OF MYSELF!!
7:57 AM Oct 13th
from Brizzly
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@ What's 'shoulders'?
7:44 AM Oct 13th
from Brizzly
in reply to burwell
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Ashtray is pig latin for trash. Now you know.
2:18 PM Oct 12th
from Brizzly
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(RT @) I just fixed a bug, where's my Nobel Peace Prize?
1:58 PM Oct 12th
from web
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Gangbang. Sorry, I just wanted to say that.
11:16 AM Oct 12th
from Brizzly
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If rain is God peeing, He's been drinking all night and is taking it out on my geraniums.
8:46 AM Oct 7th
from web
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Dear Facebook app users,
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??
5:57 PM Oct 4th
from web
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That was not a breath mint.
8:32 PM Sep 29th
from txt
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- Name myr
- Location jumping in the air
- Bio wannabe nerd | pretty princess | internet addict
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