myqkaplan
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if you make a ghost costume by poking eyeholes in a sheet, don't be wasteful; you can reuse it later for a hassidic threesome.
about 19 hours ago
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someone told me i shouldn't see the movie 'milk' because i'm a vegan. someone else told me i should, because being a vegan is gay.
6:35 AM Nov 13th
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is how one feels about the nature/nurture debate learned or inherited?
5:34 PM Nov 12th
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i like to think of wolf blitzer as a guy who blitzes wolves.
10:44 AM Nov 11th
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this girl i met at a blood drive wasn't my type.
3:14 PM Nov 10th
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when einstein tells fairy tales, they begin "once upon a space/time..."
8:56 AM Nov 9th
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i used to love david duchovny's sci-fi show. i'm an ex-x-file-ophile.
10:05 AM Nov 8th
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i'm thinking of opening a pub for bikers called 'the handle bar.' (bikers love puns, right?)
6:54 AM Nov 7th
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if i want to fight a girl, i say "put up your duchesses."
6:10 AM Nov 6th
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scottish people are just like the rest of us. they put their kilts on one leg at a time.
8:12 AM Nov 5th
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@ of course, if eleven is two ones doing it, then a hash mark # is an orgy of ones. (that's why it's called the "pound" sign.)
4:13 AM Nov 4th
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@ yes, and also equals sign = a hyphen as seen through the eyes of a drunk.
4:11 AM Nov 4th
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the equals sign = an eleven in disguise = two ones doing it = a non-anthropomorphic symbol of egalitarianism.
7:16 AM Nov 3rd
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e.e. cummings was not a fan of capitalism, according to his letters.
4:09 AM Nov 2nd
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what do young jungle cats call older but still sexy lady jungle cats? (answer: probably something like a growl.)
6:23 AM Nov 1st
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i saw a recent gallop poll which found that 99% of horses said 'nay.' which is weird because i thought they enjoyed galloping.
2:50 PM Oct 31st
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@ maybe nipples are the relevant factor. to test this hypothesis, does anyone know what word cannibals use for human meat?
1:20 PM Oct 30th
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in reply to SteveDelfino
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@ 'poultry,' the closest name chicken has as a disguise, is alas shared with many other birds, and also rarely used. it's not kfP.
7:04 AM Oct 30th
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in reply to NobleRot
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@ 'finger' and 'mcnugget' would be good aliases if chicken wasn't so intent on continuing to use its first name, too.
6:20 AM Oct 30th
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in reply to senorcorazon
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cow is beef, pig is pork, and even deer is venison. so why doesn't chicken have a secret identity for being eaten?
5:52 AM Oct 30th
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- Name myq kaplan
- Location NYC, Boston, miscellaneous
- Web http://www.myqkap...
- Bio comedian, friendly, vegan, atheist, optimist, dorky, awesome, human
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