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my_roommate

  1. "My muffin top is getting bigger. It is like it is baking." 8:33 PM Dec 1st from web
  2. "Is it bad if I take my birth control with wine or does that lessen my chances of getting pregnant?" 8:32 PM Dec 1st from web
  3. Me: I am just a box of paradoxes. Her: And I am just a box of Pandora. 2:20 PM Nov 1st from web
  4. "You fart, fine. But you much such a fucking production out of it. I am not charmed." 2:20 PM Nov 1st from web
  5. "Don't abuse the charity thing. Why else can we leave the sick kids that doesn't involve drinking?" 2:20 PM Nov 1st from web
  6. "I am dressed as Tinkerbelle. But I am smoking. And drinking Starbucks. And I work in a corporate job. I am Tinkerbelle's worst nightmare." 2:19 PM Nov 1st from web
  7. "Either figure out where we are going or Google stripping. They are your two options on this Sunday afternoon." 1:44 PM Oct 25th from web
  8. I would beat someone up for sushi. 1:42 PM Oct 25th from web
  9. If I didn't have the shakes, I could be a beautician. 10:48 AM Oct 17th from web
  10. Her: I want to be dressed to the nines. Me: I am like, maybe, dressed to the sevens. Her: Are you kidding me? I am fucking negative three. 2:29 PM Oct 11th from web
  11. Me: Can you imagine if farts were colored? Her: The apartment would be a fucking rainbow. 2:29 PM Oct 11th from web
  12. I would be more impressed if I fucked his mom. At least she has something going for her. 3:03 PM Oct 4th from web
  13. Looking at my outfit: "What the fuck is with your outfit? Are you going on a cabana cruise or something? Do you want to clean my pool after? 1:06 PM Oct 4th from web
  14. Her: I work for Satan. Him: How is Satan? Her: Great. Fit. He wears glasses now. And is Jewish. 5:36 PM Oct 2nd from web
  15. I was at the point before where I couldn't drive because I have been drinking. Now...I feel like a better human. 11:01 AM Sep 29th from web
  16. He wouldn't fuck you or ram you. He would make love to you and then cry about it. And then write a song about it. 12:06 PM Sep 28th from web
  17. Does drinking help concussion or worsen it? Like, will I die? 11:20 AM Sep 27th from web
  18. I am going to go with 'not awesome'. The only guy interested was a foot taller than me and had a dick the size of my arm. 11:20 AM Sep 27th from web
  19. Him: OMG. You're hilarious! LOL. LMAO. ROFL. Her: FML. 11:19 AM Sep 27th from web
  20. Is it bad if I give the dog cat food? 4:19 PM Sep 26th from web
  • Name Skipper Diz.
  • Bio My roomate says ridiculous shit. Just add alcohol.
2 Following 14 Followers 0 Listed
Justin Sall Grover