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mommywantsvodka

  1. I couldn't be more pleased to NOT be schlepping my sorry ass out for Black Friday deals right now.
  2. My daily PSA: do not stick your fucking finger in a pot of boiling water for 5 seconds. You're welcome.
  3. Have been belting out Blind Melon's "No Rain" for half an hour. Have dressed daughter in tutu and am overwhelmed by adorability.
  4. Blogging for Dummies (with the best picture EVER): http://www.mommywantsvodka....
  5. Happy Thanksgiving, Twitter. Today #iamthankfulfor cough syrup that needs an ID, toilet paper, and the letter P.
  6. @MarinkaNYC *hump hump hump* Don't mind me. I'm just humping your leg.
  7. I'm trying to decide why I smell like pee and whether or not I really want to know the answer.
  8. RT @goodforthekids: No need to leave your comfy chair to get the big toy sales! 30% off + FREE SHIPPING! Shop now: http://bit.ly/wjVhE
  9. That makes the grand tally of asses wiped today at something like 43726. JEALOUS TWITTER?
  10. I have just learned that I have to wash my rabbit's butt every day. My life is so glamorous that I can hardly STAND it.
  11. I am already feeling sorry for anyone working retail on Friday. I never worked retail, but I was a waitress.
  12. The girl with curls like a halo: http://www.mommywantsvodka....
  13. Dudes. Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it: http://toywithme.com/fake
  14. Finally, after 3 hours of wrestling what appeared to be a wet weasel, the child is asleep. Or I just had sex. I dunno.
  15. RT @goodforthekids: 30% off toys plus FREE SHIPPING is definitely good for you & your kids http://bit.ly/6rTWn1
  16. The joy that Amelia feels when she absconds with her brother's sippy cups is palpable. Turns out she's also "stealing his fun."
  17. Turns out my kid's ear infection was all, "let's make it a double." Asshole ear infection.
  18. I don't think you can ever go wrong with Skittles. Pez, yes, Skittles, no.
  19. I am honestly on cloud nine and also, a little bit terrified and HOLD ME TWITTER.
  20. GUESS WHO IS ON SLATE TODAY, TWITTER? It's totally me: http://slate.com/blogs/blog...