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mommywantsvodka

  1. I couldn't be more pleased to NOT be schlepping my sorry ass out for Black Friday deals right now. about 3 hours ago from web
  2. My daily PSA: do not stick your fucking finger in a pot of boiling water for 5 seconds. You're welcome. about 5 hours ago from web
  3. Have been belting out Blind Melon's "No Rain" for half an hour. Have dressed daughter in tutu and am overwhelmed by adorability. about 12 hours ago from web
  4. Blogging for Dummies (with the best picture EVER): http://www.mommywantsvodka.... about 15 hours ago from web
  5. Happy Thanksgiving, Twitter. Today #iamthankfulfor cough syrup that needs an ID, toilet paper, and the letter P. about 15 hours ago from web
  6. @MarinkaNYC *hump hump hump* Don't mind me. I'm just humping your leg. 8:37 PM Nov 25th from web in reply to MarinkaNYC
  7. I'm trying to decide why I smell like pee and whether or not I really want to know the answer. 2:56 PM Nov 25th from web
  8. RT @goodforthekids: No need to leave your comfy chair to get the big toy sales! 30% off + FREE SHIPPING! Shop now: http://bit.ly/wjVhE 1:36 PM Nov 25th from web
  9. That makes the grand tally of asses wiped today at something like 43726. JEALOUS TWITTER? 1:36 PM Nov 25th from web
  10. I have just learned that I have to wash my rabbit's butt every day. My life is so glamorous that I can hardly STAND it. 12:39 PM Nov 25th from web
  11. I am already feeling sorry for anyone working retail on Friday. I never worked retail, but I was a waitress. 10:17 AM Nov 25th from web
  12. The girl with curls like a halo: http://www.mommywantsvodka.... 9:52 AM Nov 25th from web
  13. Dudes. Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it: http://toywithme.com/fake 8:30 PM Nov 24th from web
  14. Finally, after 3 hours of wrestling what appeared to be a wet weasel, the child is asleep. Or I just had sex. I dunno. 7:57 PM Nov 24th from web
  15. RT @goodforthekids: 30% off toys plus FREE SHIPPING is definitely good for you & your kids http://bit.ly/6rTWn1 7:22 PM Nov 24th from web
  16. The joy that Amelia feels when she absconds with her brother's sippy cups is palpable. Turns out she's also "stealing his fun." 4:39 PM Nov 24th from web
  17. Turns out my kid's ear infection was all, "let's make it a double." Asshole ear infection. 2:56 PM Nov 24th from web
  18. I don't think you can ever go wrong with Skittles. Pez, yes, Skittles, no. 12:20 PM Nov 24th from web
  19. I am honestly on cloud nine and also, a little bit terrified and HOLD ME TWITTER. 9:06 AM Nov 24th from web
  20. GUESS WHO IS ON SLATE TODAY, TWITTER? It's totally me: http://slate.com/blogs/blog... 8:56 AM Nov 24th from web