Had to be up by 8 for a phone call this AM, which is early for me. Instead of sleeping, I trembled facedown in bed for 6 hours.

@vklj that's one of my fav songs!

Yo, if my laundry bitch has been stealing my clothes, I will spend MY LIFE trying to put a cigarette out on her snooch.

mary steenburgen is hogging up my twitter timeline and it's unexpected and i'm obsessed with it. do you, mary!!!!!!

I am like a brother to you.

Take that top down and treat the wind to your jams.

I daydream that my dog's throwing a rager @ the house while I'm out, teen movie-style, but @ most he takes a revenge shit next 2 the drapes

@thepatrickwalsh take care is the most beautiful song ever including all other things, such as pop hits and lesser-known hits.

@cassandrasteele I can't wait to hang w you. More than ever after that tweet.

ne1 wanna rage?

I inspire so many ppl.

My mom always texts me things like, "are you getting your period because of the moon?"

Winning the Super Bowl probably feels as good as taking your bra off.

@filmgirls no I don't.

@DCpierson IM SAYIN'

FYI: throwing your hands up and saying, "I got a big weed stash, pocket full of cash, just seen a big ol' ass, OOOO OOOO" is no longer cool

Tonight a guy told me I am a "gay black man" & it was only after I celebrated the moment that I realized he didn't think it was a compliment

STILL I PLAY THE STAR ROLE IN DORITOS WAY

Sometimes I feel like I don't LOL the way I did when I was younger. But tonight? Tonight I sliced off a LOL like the good oldz.

@MissFreeesh @morgan_murphy I die for this.