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mertonsussex

  1. Adam Lambert? Empty shock value is worthless. If it was beneath Freddie Mercury, you shouldn't do it either. Talent always trumps sexuality.
  2. As a kid, I used to wonder where the purple went when I drank grape juice. I figured it out the first time I banged my knee on an end table.
  3. I tried "living each day like it's my last" for awhile, but lying in bed with a morphine drip, shitting in a chamber pot? That got old fast.
  4. I've pinpointed the precise moment you become "old": It's the very second that you begin to see naps as a reward rather than a punishment.
  5. I'm always amused when parents who tell their kids "never talk to strangers" expect them NOT to howl bloody murder in Mall-Santa lap photos.
  6. My pathetic attempts to grab the notice of @alyankovic continue. Another webcomic arc that features him is here: http://tinyurl.com/yzheljz
  7. Continuing my sudden theme of @alyankovic dispatches, here's a great webcomic that references him quite cleverly: http://tinyurl.com/ykjpj4k
  8. According to CNN, Tweets can be libel. In that case, @alyankovic is a big jerk, and he smells like cheese! Okay...so I just wanna meet him.
  9. "Experts" say the amount of L-tryptophan in turkey isn't enough to induce sleep. Yet, every Thanksgiving, there I sit...snoring at dessert.
  10. Irony: The GOP'ers who are all upset about Miss Homophobia's solo sex tape are the same ones who'd LOVE to watch her double-click her mouse.
  11. I'm not into dudes sexually. Even so, I'd gladly look at Levi Johnston's penis if it'll help make Sarah Palin's day just a little bit worse.
  12. Japanese porn proves it: The more repressed a culture is, the weirder shit it takes to get it off. I just wonder what Puritan porn was like.
  13. Fast-food contests that encourage consumption to win ought to have more appropriate prizes. "All I need is Boardwalk for free liposuction."
  14. I had a great dream. In it, everyone knew that 'a lot' was two words, while 'irregardless' and 'winningest' are actually zero words apiece.
  15. I synced Twitter with Facebook to post tandem updates. Now I'm a geek blue belt. To go green, I have to start compiling my own Linux coding.
  16. Walgreen's has had Christmas shit out since September. They live in the future! If they start stocking gas masks? Get your affairs in order.
  17. Anyone who cooks Tater Tots in anything other than a deep fryer is truly missing out on one of the simplest, most sublime joys in the world.
  18. Forgot forgot the gunpowder plot / That happened on November 5 / I'm thinking that Fawkes has forgiven me though / For he is no longer alive
  19. So far, the internet has eaten: newspapers, encyclopedias, albums, Polaroids, magazines, postal service, film industry, the yellow pages...
  20. I do not use hashtags. I do not respond with "at" signs. I do not "re-tweet." I may be a trend-sucker, but at least I'm rebellious about it.