mertonsussex
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Fast-food contests that encourage consumption to win ought to have more appropriate prizes. "All I need is Boardwalk for free liposuction."
about 8 hours ago
from web
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I had a great dream. In it, everyone knew that 'a lot' was two words, while 'irregardless' and 'winningest' are actually zero words apiece.
6:02 PM Nov 10th
from web
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I synced Twitter with Facebook to post tandem updates. Now I'm a geek blue belt. To go green, I have to start compiling my own Linux coding.
9:49 AM Nov 9th
from web
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Walgreen's has had Christmas shit out since September. They live in the future! If they start stocking gas masks? Get your affairs in order.
9:42 AM Nov 9th
from web
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Anyone who cooks Tater Tots in anything other than a deep fryer is truly missing out on one of the simplest, most sublime joys in the world.
7:36 PM Nov 7th
from web
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Forgot forgot the gunpowder plot / That happened on November 5 / I'm thinking that Fawkes has forgiven me though / For he is no longer alive
7:37 AM Nov 6th
from web
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So far, the internet has eaten: newspapers, encyclopedias, albums, Polaroids, magazines, postal service, film industry, the yellow pages...
8:45 PM Nov 3rd
from UberTwitter
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I do not use hashtags. I do not respond with "at" signs. I do not "re-tweet." I may be a trend-sucker, but at least I'm rebellious about it.
3:22 PM Nov 3rd
from web
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Ah, the Monday After Halloween. A.K.A.: The day when you can buy delicious Reese's cups for half price just because they're pumpkin-shaped.
1:41 PM Nov 2nd
from web
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As Halloween approaches, I get nostalgic. I may have to bag-rob some kids this year. Don't worry, I'll only mug the ones with lame costumes.
3:40 PM Oct 29th
from web
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I almost installed Windows 7, but I decided it would be cheaper and less painful to chew tinfoil while shaving my head with a cheese grater.
8:49 AM Oct 28th
from web
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If there is a longer half-hour than the one you spend waiting for the Chinese food delivery to show up, I really have yet to experience it.
5:50 PM Oct 26th
from UberTwitter
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Even though I think "Truck Nutz" are classless and unfunny, I'm still looking for someone willing to market a counterpart: "Minivan Udders."
1:54 PM Oct 23rd
from web
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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Even so, I don't understand why it's a Federal case when the toilet seat is positioned incorrectly.
9:37 AM Oct 21st
from web
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The world is overrun with Dakotas, Madisons and Dallases. These are PLACES, not kids' names. So for Christ's sake cut that shit OUT already.
11:50 AM Oct 20th
from web
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You have to be talented to be a "recluse." People MISS Sly Stone, Bill Watterson and J.D. Salinger. Yahoo Serious? Really just a has-been.
3:24 PM Oct 19th
from web
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We're raising an entire generation that knows you click on the floppy disc icon to save, but doesn't know what the icon itself represents.
1:26 PM Oct 15th
from web
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If humans ever lose their taste for schadenfreude and cute animals, the entire Internet will go tits up in a fortnight. Good thing we won't.
9:47 AM Oct 14th
from web
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Rush Limbaugh says he'd gladly meet with President Obama if invited to the White House. And hey, as long as we're dreaming, I'd like a pony.
7:09 AM Oct 13th
from web
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Not a sports fan. If I want to yell and scream at a bunch of overpaid idiots I don't know show off and fight over inches, I'll watch C-SPAN.
2:09 PM Oct 7th
from UberTwitter
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- Name Merton Sussex
- Location Minneapolis, MN
- Web http://www.diaryo...
- Bio I write ad copy. Also, I blog at DiaryOfFools.com. You should go read it. And yeah...I'm not exactly ASKING.
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