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melissasantos

  1. my biggest challenge at work is not gawking at the size of some of these south Floridian women's breasts.
  2. i ask you to do one little thing -- take out the trash -- & you can't even do that. it's like you don't understand a word i say, chihuahua.
  3. someone please drive @marcialsantos on a cross-country vacation so he can live tweet it.
  4. "NO" means "wait until she's on the toilet & can't stop me" in dog.
  5. @fakeedgarsantos @apate amanda's biscuits sounds like the start of a lovely weekend. & also like a punk rock band name.
  6. it's time Americans stopped giving their dogs stripper names.
  7. so many VIPs calling my direct line & begging for reservations, i don't even have time to eat my kashi granola bar. maître d'ing ain't easy.
  8. my one-sentence review of the vegan restaurant, sublime: fuck that shit; where's the beef?
  9. what's the best way to pin your eyebrows back when you're growing them out?
  10. men are intoxicated by my alluring scent of burnt polyester & fingernail polish.
  11. my first post from florida: chefandnovice.com/2012/04/25/im-…. i am of course wearing sky-high heels at a publix while i type this.
  12. my chihuahua is an excellent watch dog. when i teach her to shoot a rifle, she'll be an excellent guard dog, too.
  13. i'm the fastest runner in south florida. suck it, senior citizens!
  14. there are no hipsters in fort lauderdale. i've found heaven.
  15. terrible news this am. @raldowntowner's home / our magazine's office was destroyed by a fire. help him out, raleigh. wral.com/news/news_brie…
  16. things i love about ft lauderdale: 1. i was hired on the spot at the 1st place i applied. 2. hostessing pays the same as editing in raleigh.
  17. went on an eating tour of miami last night. now i know why all the women have healthy butts there.
  18. the D'Auvray don'ts: use this photo & associate him with buku. read as she does both! Thasos Taverna to Open in May - blogs.browardpalmbeach.com/cleanplatechar…
  19. miami playing on the way to miami. it's a sign! ... that i need to find a better radio station in florida.
  20. finally unpacked the kitchen so @WilliamDAuvray doesn't have to eat his cereal out of my cupped hands anymore.