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mayjah

  1. What if my millinery standards would be compromised by wearing a beanie? Huh? about 3 hours ago from web
  2. Skiing taught me one thing: I'm more of a 'can't we do this lying down?' sportswoman. You know where I'm heading with this. Yep, luge. about 14 hours ago from web
  3. ME: I can't stop! Aghhh! HIM: Just make a V. Nobody has a better V than you. 11:33 AM Nov 29th from txt
  4. Skiing. I don't have a St. Bernard so I'm tying a bottle of Bailey's to the baby's neck. Oh stop, her snowsuit will block any glass shards. 8:50 AM Nov 29th from txt
  5. A caramel apple for breakfast seems like a great idea. Until the very next breakfast. What is this crap? TOAST AND JAM? THIS IS INHUMAN! 10:36 AM Nov 28th from web
  6. I've lost my voice and have to whisper everything. It's like being in a Bourne Identity movie. The one with the toddler and all the crying. 8:10 PM Nov 27th from txt
  7. Random sampling of things I'm thankful for: bear-shaped honey bottles, dark starry nights, and imaginary people. 11:26 PM Nov 26th from web
  8. @stevewhitaker I tried to warn you.Today wasn't a good day to take a sweet potato casserole in the hay. 11:20 PM Nov 26th from web in reply to stevewhitaker
  9. Not sure if you guys know this, but sweet potatoes increase fertility. Be careful out there tonight. 7:51 PM Nov 26th from txt
  10. If steampunk and turducken had a baby it would be -hang on, mhm, rivet in my teeth. 3:17 PM Nov 26th from txt
  11. I always peel way too many potatoes when I make mashed potatoes. This is why we can't have nice jeans. 12:55 PM Nov 26th from web
  12. My humble pie brings all the passive-aggressives to the yard. 9:26 PM Nov 25th from web
  13. Rolling out pie crust with no pants on. Just like grandma used to make it. 8:01 AM Nov 25th from web
  14. It's time for my traditional hunt and forage into Whole Foods, where I will track and slaughter the plumpest, most-tatted Tofurky stock boy. 2:23 PM Nov 24th from web
  15. Their eyes met across a crowded Gap, in a jumble of scarves and lattes and iPhones. Love in the time of popped collar. Aaah. 10:04 AM Nov 24th from web
  16. @jamisondavis Wow, thank you! I'm honored, yet battling the overwhelming urge to retweet. Life is hard. #firstworldTwitterproblem 10:06 PM Nov 23rd from web in reply to jamisondavis
  17. @seanhussey ZOMG baby fever! I KNEW I should have gotten vaccinated. Congrats! 8:17 PM Nov 23rd from web in reply to seanhussey
  18. The heart wants what it wants. Which is why I'm singing show tunes into a 5-pound bag of tortilla chips. 2:03 PM Nov 23rd from web
  19. Yoga magazine headline: Stress-Free Body, Happy Soul. All these years wasted trying to be better on the INSIDE? And it's a fucking asana. 5:51 PM Nov 22nd from txt
  20. Trying to avoid eye-contact with the gym TV playing GND is exhausting. I feel like I need a Valtrex and bleach smoothie now. 11:05 AM Nov 22nd from txt