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marchinko

  1. "I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts." by Arnold Schwarzenegger. 11:10 AM Nov 26th from web
  2. Sarah Palin was so the mean girl in high school who made fun of the gay guy and his heavy girlfriend, right? 5:36 PM Nov 24th from web
  3. Just saw New Moon. Taylor Lautner is so hot. He's definitely my new favorite Indian. Sorry, Johnny Looking Cloud. 2:51 PM Nov 24th from Echofon
  4. I will never buy a Carrie Underwood CD, nor will I ever send someone an Edible Arrangement. 12:19 PM Nov 24th from Echofon
  5. @samantharonson That's funny. No, I learned them from having a surprisingly intuitive maid and a nosey gardener 3:31 PM Nov 23rd from web in reply to samantharonson
  6. Never be vulnerable with your maid. And never tell your gardener a secret. 3:22 PM Nov 23rd from web
  7. Bishop bars Pat Kennedy from communion cuz he's pro-choice. an idea: apply this rule to all Catholics, use surplus bread to end world hunger 10:40 AM Nov 23rd from web
  8. "Mama. Dada." Suri Cruise 4:53 PM Nov 21st from web
  9. "No. Get out. Shut up. For Reals? Hate her." (Attractive woman on the phone on the treadmill next to me at Equinox) 11:54 AM Nov 21st from web
  10. When I told my depressed friend,"If you're having a day where you can't get out of bed, call me," I kind of only meant once. 10:00 AM Nov 20th from web
  11. The only time I seek God's help is when I call my mom and pray that it will go to voicemail. 5:58 PM Nov 19th from web
  12. To my dental hygienist, love the scraping, but you can cut 10 mins out of your "This Thanksgiving is my turn to make the apple crisp" story. 12:55 PM Nov 19th from web
  13. Saw 2012. While a tsunami approaches, a guy in India calls the Tibetan plateau from his cell, yet I can't make calls on Melrose. AT&T sucks 4:17 PM Nov 18th from web
  14. Last time I felt 100% was 2002. I got a 90-min massage then my dry cleaner complimented my hair. I've been chasing that feeling ever since. 2:17 PM Nov 18th from web
  15. Sarah Palin's book out today. I'd rather read a book written by my cat. Page 1: meow meow meow. Page 2: meow meow meow. See? Already better. 2:31 PM Nov 17th from web
  16. I don't trust Donny Osmond. 3:50 PM Nov 15th from web
  17. When people say, "I've changed," they really mean "I've gotten worse, but much better at hiding it." 12:20 PM Nov 14th from web
  18. I love my dog. She never slams the door to make a point. 9:14 AM Nov 13th from web
  19. Beauty queen Carrie Prejean known for her masturbation tape and hatred of gays wrote a book about being a hateful masturbating beauty queen. 3:03 PM Nov 12th from web
  20. Why are hostesses at restaurants so oddly confident? I guess standing behind a tiny podium gives them a false sense of leadership. 4:56 PM Nov 11th from web