MapleVeins
-
Is it gruesome to want to chop off a chicken's hindquarters so that I can say "Guess What" and Appropriately answer it with "Chicken Butt"?
about 18 hours ago
via web
-
Just one more disk before this "minute" is up.
about 22 hours ago
via web
-
Dear T-Mobile. Just because I live in Northern America doesn't mean I speak Spanish. Silencio!
10:31 PM May 31st
via web
-
This show makes me giggle more than a man should.
2:26 PM May 31st
via txt
-
Noatmeal Cookies! Damn you Pick n Save! I shall return, tomorrow! You will have my cookies or I will have your head!
1:46 PM May 31st
via web
-
@ My supervisor just gave me some Fun Sized snickers.
8:47 AM May 31st
via txt
-
@ You would get my toned ass fired!
9:02 PM May 30th
via web
-
@ We only have one small shelf of Shape Ups. And, tomorrow, I'm stock-boy-ish. Not Shoes. It's actually kind of nice.
8:48 PM May 30th
via web
-
Who want's to go to work for me tomorrow at 6 AM in the friggen morning? Please? It's not hard. You'll be lost, but it's not hard.
8:10 PM May 30th
via web
-
Time is going by so slowly that I'm going to paint it and call it "Turtle walking through molasses in a Wes Anderson film."
10:19 AM May 30th
via Twitter for iPhone
-
Is there more I could have said? Now, they're only pictures in my head.
8:39 AM May 29th
via web
-
"Sorry, I'm a little emotional. I just watched The Muppets." That's manly, right? I guess I'm just a Muppet of a man.
9:25 PM May 28th
via web
-
Coming to Video Cassette
12:22 PM May 28th
via web
-
After eating all those gummy worms, I feel like Arthur's dog, Pal, after he ate those gummy worms.
11:59 PM May 27th
via web
-
For Memorial Day, we should all wear ribbons around our fingers. So we remember what we don't want to forget.
11:39 PM May 27th
via web
-
Memorial Day is just one big slap in the face to Alzheimer's patients.
11:37 PM May 27th
via web
-
Don't put gummy worms up your nose. Your nose will feel weird even after you extract the worm.
10:23 PM May 27th
via web
-
@ Woot woot! Je suis le roi! Le roi de vie!
8:10 PM May 27th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to squirrelflakes
-
@ Where can I hand in my application?
4:50 PM May 27th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to squirrelflakes
-
@ I'm the best unknown Twitter. I'm the comedian, locked in the bathroom, with only his reflection as audience.
4:43 PM May 27th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to squirrelflakes
|
- Name Matthew Miller
- Location Wisconsin
- Bio This page doesn't even exist. You're schizophrenic.
|
