mallcop
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RIP Mel Simon, builder of the first MegaMall. (I still carry his picture in my wallet, though.)
9:07 AM Sep 19th
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I would like to challenge Paul Blart to a donut-eating contest, though.
7:33 PM Aug 11th
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My co-creator sobs that he's not making a dime on the new Mall Cop DVD. Well, BOO HOO. Neither am i!
7:33 PM Aug 11th
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Good. Thought I might have to arrest unfollowers. RT @ Twitter purging spammers 2nite; massive unfollowing.
9:37 PM Jul 23rd
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When I hear the phrase "most endangered malls," I spring into action.
9:28 PM Jul 17th
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Saw the "Mall Cop" DVD on display at check-out at Office Depot. Office Depot! Must everyone just torture me?
9:03 PM Jul 17th
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RT @ Mustache back for summer '09. (This is the guy who says he "co-created" me. Nonsense.)
8:00 PM Jul 14th
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No malls are hiring. What's a mall cop to do? Got it -- I'll be a consultant! A consultant to mall cops. Off to print some invoices!
7:59 PM Jul 14th
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Wha th...? Mall Creep nabbed MallCop.com from me! But relax: I'm still at . And still holding donut.
7:32 PM Jul 13th
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And still on Facebook, of course, @
7:31 PM Jul 13th
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I want MallCop to be a Trending Topic. So I've started wearing this shirt: I can feel it working.
10:29 AM Jun 29th
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I only have 37 fans on Facebook: Why, I used to arrest more people than that every day in just the Food Court.
6:30 PM Jun 28th
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What's an unemployed mall cop to do? Apply for a job at Wal-Mart of course. I can see the movie now: Wal-Mart Cop.
1:02 PM May 18th
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Happy Mother's Day to the best mom a Mall Cop could have (because she's a working Mall Cop herself -- Mall Cop Mom! Now THERE'S a movie.)
3:51 PM May 10th
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One good thing about the mall being closed for good: nobody is spreading the swine flu in there. [[achoo!]] Uh-oh.
1:46 PM May 3rd
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Went back to the mall to try to get rehired. It was closed! For good! Not only I am jobless, I missed all the going-out-of-business sales!
6:02 PM Apr 7th
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I'm disgusted with myself. I'm going to stop hiding out in this closet at Hooters and start hiding out in a closet at Applebees.
7:54 PM Mar 30th
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Since being fired from the mall, I've been hiding in a closet at Hooters, sneaking out at night for leftover cheese fries. This can't go on.
5:58 PM Mar 29th
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Oh, no! I was just fired from Massive Mall. Fired! Reason: "no human being has set foot in here in months." What kind of reason is that???
11:17 AM Mar 18th
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says, I hope you are enjoying wearing your Mall Cop Thong. I know I am.
4:28 PM Feb 15th
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- Name Mel Cool: Mall Cop®
- Location Massive Mall
- Web http://mall-cop.b...
- Bio I am the Sentinel of Stress-Free Shopping.
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