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malisams

  1. Just caught myself rapping '90s hip hop in auto-tune to my cat. Twice.
  2. My band name today: Tony Danza in my Pants.
  3. "Away We Go": Because watching paint dry doesn't come with its own soundtrack.
  4. Husband has redeemed himself after the earlier viewing of Glee with a healthy dose of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
  5. Glee: WHY.
  6. "Slutty bitches! THAT chick's getting fucked in the ass later." I love my friends.
  7. I just high-fived the mayor with my deflated rubber glove hand while the band played "We Got the Funk." Is lthat weird?
  8. I hate everything on the internet right now. Everything. Even this very tweet. DIE, INTERNET.
  9. I am either A) crazy focused at work today, B) accustomed to having a tbsp of tuna inside my hoodie sleeve for 3hrs, or C) stupid as shit.
  10. Spilled tuna *and* pickle juices all over myself at lunch and ate my weight in Cheetos. SINGLE FILE LINE, FELLAS.
  11. Just received stellar customer service from #BofA. That is all. Carry on.
  12. Started a me=Nancy-Kerrigan's-knee / the-universe=asp metaphor, but it ended badly. I have no idea if god looks anything like Jeff Gillooly.
  13. This day is dead to me.
  14. Day redeemed by arrival of weekend Etsy purchase. Hollerrr. http://yfrog.com/jdpspmj
  15. "This isn't Islamophobia, it's Islamo-realism." Ohhhh, right. Good one, fuckwit. http://tinyurl.com/yjh4k6h
  16. AAAAAAND all of my dreams just came true. http://harrypotterspellsapp... Also, SHUT UP.
  17. Pew pew! Pew pew pew PEW PEW PEW PEWPEWPEWPEWPEW click
  18. Stood in the hallway laughing at this for far too long...which is worrisome, even for me. http://yfrog.com/0t7t6nj
  19. I may or may not have just purchased a magnet of a cute painted bird with the saying "You're a whore and that makes me sad" on it. (I did.)
  20. HOLY WANT, BATMAN: http://bit.ly/3LIaDu