Profile_bird

Hey there! malisams is using Twitter.

Twitter is a free service that lets you keep in touch with people through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What's happening? Join today to start receiving malisams's tweets.

Already using Twitter
from your phone? Click here.

malisams

  1. Just caught myself rapping '90s hip hop in auto-tune to my cat. Twice. 7:30 PM Nov 18th from web
  2. My band name today: Tony Danza in my Pants. 8:58 AM Nov 18th from Tweetie
  3. "Away We Go": Because watching paint dry doesn't come with its own soundtrack. 8:06 PM Nov 17th from web
  4. Husband has redeemed himself after the earlier viewing of Glee with a healthy dose of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. 9:38 PM Nov 15th from web
  5. Glee: WHY. 9:08 PM Nov 15th from web
  6. "Slutty bitches! THAT chick's getting fucked in the ass later." I love my friends. 11:25 PM Nov 14th from Tweetie
  7. I just high-fived the mayor with my deflated rubber glove hand while the band played "We Got the Funk." Is lthat weird? 10:41 PM Nov 14th from Tweetie
  8. I hate everything on the internet right now. Everything. Even this very tweet. DIE, INTERNET. 10:56 PM Nov 13th from web
  9. I am either A) crazy focused at work today, B) accustomed to having a tbsp of tuna inside my hoodie sleeve for 3hrs, or C) stupid as shit. 4:15 PM Nov 13th from web
  10. Spilled tuna *and* pickle juices all over myself at lunch and ate my weight in Cheetos. SINGLE FILE LINE, FELLAS. 1:35 PM Nov 13th from web
  11. Just received stellar customer service from #BofA. That is all. Carry on. 11:15 AM Nov 13th from web
  12. Started a me=Nancy-Kerrigan's-knee / the-universe=asp metaphor, but it ended badly. I have no idea if god looks anything like Jeff Gillooly. 10:06 AM Nov 13th from web
  13. This day is dead to me. 8:32 PM Nov 12th from web
  14. Day redeemed by arrival of weekend Etsy purchase. Hollerrr. http://yfrog.com/jdpspmj 6:47 PM Nov 12th from Tweetie
  15. "This isn't Islamophobia, it's Islamo-realism." Ohhhh, right. Good one, fuckwit. http://tinyurl.com/yjh4k6h 5:20 PM Nov 9th from web
  16. AAAAAAND all of my dreams just came true. http://harrypotterspellsapp... Also, SHUT UP. 2:43 PM Nov 9th from web
  17. Pew pew! Pew pew pew PEW PEW PEW PEWPEWPEWPEWPEW click 2:07 PM Nov 9th from web
  18. Stood in the hallway laughing at this for far too long...which is worrisome, even for me. http://yfrog.com/0t7t6nj 10:36 PM Nov 8th from Tweetie
  19. I may or may not have just purchased a magnet of a cute painted bird with the saying "You're a whore and that makes me sad" on it. (I did.) 5:50 PM Nov 7th from web
  20. HOLY WANT, BATMAN: http://bit.ly/3LIaDu 12:54 PM Nov 7th from web