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lightsleeper

  1. This McDonald's receipt reports that my daughter got a "Doll Toy." Boys, one supposes, receive a "Gun Toy."
  2. Thank you for your submission of cynically awful ambient holiday pop. Unfortunately, we are not yet accepting for the 2009-2010 season.
  3. Parallels Desktop has successfully ported the "reboot many times each day" feature of Windows onto my Mac. Yay, virtualization!
  4. Not the wine talking when I earnestly ask: why aren't you watching "Adventureland" *right now?* Also, I'm poking your sternum emphatically.
  5. Woman in fur coat, giant handbag, Paris Hilton sunglasses pedaling bike down Lincoln. Hi, DUI Lady!
  6. Stop putting the phrase "Full Screen" on your useless 4:3 DVDs, media jackasses. I declare your stuff to be "keyholed" and will not buy it.
  7. If the internet is a series of tubes, then Indianapolis's tube is one of those little red coffee stirrers. That has been chewed on.
  8. RT @FakeAPStylebook: Use "faith-based," as "nuts" or "probably dangerous" may be seen as disrespectful.
  9. "The point is mute"? Um, were you home-schooled using "Saved by the Bell" reruns as curriculum?
  10. Hey, Maslow: I don't see "Free Wi Fi" on your little list here. Revise and resubmit.
  11. Being grown up means glumly realizing that you are highly proficient at things you never even wanted to do.
  12. Best unused rap name: "Obsequious D"
  13. I just read a USA Today. I think it may have actually pulled information OUT of my brain.
  14. Can't tell if what's poking out of my hotel tissue dispenser is a festive "paper rose" or merely evidence of frugal housekeeping staff.
  15. @hodgman is appearing in Chicago, so of course I'm in Indianapolis. Also: Indianapolis, your "broadband" is hilariously slow.
  16. When the economy is bad, you get to find out about all the people who used to have your current phone number. #downturn-upsides
  17. Although—to be fair—I suppose driving around in a pickup truck isn't any stranger than pushing an empty wheelbarrow everywhere you go.
  18. The pickup truck as primary vehicle? In Indianapolis, Indiana, that's still a thing.
  19. Overly-Perky Morning Newsreader: I'm guessing your boyfriend is still with you ONLY because you're gone every morning when he wakes up.
  20. Urban myth says suicide rates up during holidays. I'm guessing they actually mean during "The Early Show" on CBS. #hotellobby