lightsleeper
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This McDonald's receipt reports that my daughter got a "Doll Toy." Boys, one supposes, receive a "Gun Toy."
about 16 hours ago
from Tweetie
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Thank you for your submission of cynically awful ambient holiday pop. Unfortunately, we are not yet accepting for the 2009-2010 season.
8:08 AM Nov 23rd
from Tweetie
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Parallels Desktop has successfully ported the "reboot many times each day" feature of Windows onto my Mac. Yay, virtualization!
8:50 AM Nov 22nd
from Tweetie
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Not the wine talking when I earnestly ask: why aren't you watching "Adventureland" *right now?* Also, I'm poking your sternum emphatically.
8:49 PM Nov 21st
from web
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Woman in fur coat, giant handbag, Paris Hilton sunglasses pedaling bike down Lincoln. Hi, DUI Lady!
9:44 AM Nov 20th
from Tweetie
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Stop putting the phrase "Full Screen" on your useless 4:3 DVDs, media jackasses. I declare your stuff to be "keyholed" and will not buy it.
5:03 PM Nov 18th
from web
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If the internet is a series of tubes, then Indianapolis's tube is one of those little red coffee stirrers. That has been chewed on.
1:25 AM Nov 18th
from web
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RT @: Use "faith-based," as "nuts" or "probably dangerous" may be seen as disrespectful.
6:26 PM Nov 17th
from web
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"The point is mute"? Um, were you home-schooled using "Saved by the Bell" reruns as curriculum?
10:15 AM Nov 13th
from web
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Hey, Maslow: I don't see "Free Wi Fi" on your little list here. Revise and resubmit.
6:56 AM Nov 13th
from Tweetie
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Being grown up means glumly realizing that you are highly proficient at things you never even wanted to do.
12:08 PM Nov 11th
from Tweetie
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Best unused rap name: "Obsequious D"
4:22 AM Nov 11th
from Tweetie
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I just read a USA Today. I think it may have actually pulled information OUT of my brain.
4:04 AM Nov 11th
from Tweetie
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Can't tell if what's poking out of my hotel tissue dispenser is a festive "paper rose" or merely evidence of frugal housekeeping staff.
5:05 PM Nov 10th
from web
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@ is appearing in Chicago, so of course I'm in Indianapolis. Also: Indianapolis, your "broadband" is hilariously slow.
4:56 PM Nov 10th
from web
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When the economy is bad, you get to find out about all the people who used to have your current phone number. -upsides
10:53 AM Nov 10th
from Tweetie
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Although—to be fair—I suppose driving around in a pickup truck isn't any stranger than pushing an empty wheelbarrow everywhere you go.
3:42 PM Nov 4th
from Tweetie
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The pickup truck as primary vehicle? In Indianapolis, Indiana, that's still a thing.
3:38 PM Nov 4th
from Tweetie
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Overly-Perky Morning Newsreader: I'm guessing your boyfriend is still with you ONLY because you're gone every morning when he wakes up.
4:48 AM Nov 3rd
from Tweetie
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Urban myth says suicide rates up during holidays. I'm guessing they actually mean during "The Early Show" on CBS.
4:08 AM Nov 3rd
from Tweetie
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