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Latent_Image

  1. Ah ha I see what you did there schick you used bushes as a methaphor for shaving clever bastards
  2. Is it still called sexting if its via twitter?
  3. Now I've seen everything, my mom just pissed on some guys headstone.
  4. My sister just informed me "blind people make bad hunters"
  5. In wyoming you cannot order beer at mcdonalds.
  6. I'm a social second hand smoker.
  7. If I owned a chinese reasturant i'd decorate it with lots of fake cats. You know the way breakfast only places decorate with fake chickens
  8. Technically I have not gone to sleep so therefore this glass of whiskey is okay at this time of day.
  9. Friend: dude I went hoggin' last night. Me: are you texting to confess or brag? Him: your right. Don't tell anyone.
  10. After eating a multi vitamin, when I pee I just imagine my weiner is a unattacable light saber. That guy was pissed when I cut him though.
  11. Sippy cups make better flasks.
  12. A coworker asked me what my twitter name was. @aplusk your welcome for that new follower
  13. Is there anything a mixtape can't fix?
  14. I forgot to eat today, I'm going to market this new diet plan I'm doing.
  15. "Hot missionary" means something different to people from Utah.
  16. So apparantly if you at this bar watching the UFC your supposed to find the tallest guy and stare him down.
  17. Ever see a group of people just start running for no reason and think "they must be playing zombie run too"
  18. Nachos are just a wrecked taco.
  19. Judging by the cankels and the moustache this lady speaks portuguese
  20. Nuns are just another version of gropies for the Pope