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AinsleyofAttack
There is no nonchalant way to admit that you ran out of the bathroom naked, screaming, and covered in soap because there was a spider.
12:03 AM August 10, 2008
from txt
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AinsleyofAttack
Pineapple makes me feel like twenty angry hookers are playing hopscotch in my gut. Related: Tums are made of sidewalk chalk and regret.
12:23 AM August 09, 2008
from txt
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AinsleyofAttack
For my birthday the boyfriend bought me a knife and took me to shoot firearms. Later on tonight I hope he shows me how to hide his body.
07:25 PM August 07, 2008
from txt
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AinsleyofAttack
Vibrator ran out of batteries as I was masturbating and my immediate thought was, "THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN WHEN BARACK OBAMA IS PRESIDENT."
01:22 AM July 25, 2008
from txt
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AinsleyofAttack
Boyfriend from bed: "Every time you tell me to get up I imagine you're saying you love me." Interpretation: "Your clit is a snooze button."
08:48 AM July 24, 2008
from txt
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AinsleyofAttack
The women's restroom at the Oklahoma City airport is marked as a "Tornado Shelter Area." I wonder if that sign's only up once a month.
03:48 PM July 22, 2008
from txt
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sfslim
Anarchy is unsustainable without empathy. Great freedom requires even greater consideration. Do what thou wilt, *but harm none*.
02:00 PM July 22, 2008
from Ping.fm
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AinsleyofAttack
Mosquitos are chicken pox with wings.
04:36 PM July 19, 2008
from txt
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xmasons
Joggers are a crazy bunch. We know this because none of us can see the imaginary monsters chasing them.
05:29 PM July 15, 2008
from twitterrific
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AinsleyofAttack
UTIs would be much more entertaining if you actually pissed scissors on fire as opposed to merely feeling like you did.
10:12 AM July 14, 2008
from txt
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AinsleyofAttack
There is a fine line between cleaning and just moving shit around to hide your porn stash and tampons.
04:55 PM July 08, 2008
from web
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AinsleyofAttack
I'm no scientist but the bees are either building a nest or a shrine honoring my fear. They apparently like being called "tiny cunts."
01:47 PM July 07, 2008
from web
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kittykatt
Started off the morning with sex and Hendrix's live rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. Now THAT'S a happy fourth of July.
09:24 AM July 04, 2008
from web
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oscarwilde
One should always be a little improbable.
11:40 PM June 22, 2008
from web
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AinsleyofAttack
The best way to end an argument with a significant other is to light some candles and run a hot bath. Once they're in it you add a toaster.
01:20 AM June 22, 2008
from web
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AinsleyofAttack
How To Meet Girls: ride bike in front of their car, almost get hit, stand dumbstruck. If this fails kill David Beckham, wear skin.
07:14 PM June 20, 2008
from txt
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sfslim
"The most important enemy you have to fight is your own cynicism." -- Billy Bragg
07:21 PM June 13, 2008
from web
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sfslim
(Who knew Cocteau had been to Burning Man?)
03:29 PM June 11, 2008
from web
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sfslim
"The reward of art is not fame or success but intoxication: that is why so many bad artists are unable to give it up." - Jean Cocteau
03:29 PM June 11, 2008
from web
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