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Drank some of my mom's coffee today. Runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun sliiiiiide! Stupid hardwood floors. Runrunrunrunrunrun! 12:59 PM Nov 2nd from web
@oneeyednutsak My mom's couch is fake leather. It wipes off too easily. Maybe her hamper... 10:35 AM Oct 30th from web
@gingermandy You can have me. But you have to snuggle me and let me sleep directly up your ass. 10:34 AM Oct 30th from web
@pithycomments One-eyed pets DO win! And I only walk into the couch like...occasionally. 9:59 AM Oct 30th from web
@gingermandy Yeah well she locked me in this kennel but maybe she'll give me a cookie. Cookie? Who said cookie?? COOKIE! 9:57 AM Oct 30th from web
You know what I love? Peeing on the carpet. It's the best. 9:49 AM Oct 30th from web
I just ate 3 pieces of food. I'm stuffed! Well, guess I'll scatter the rest of the bowl on grandma's new carpet. I'm hilarious. 9:46 AM Oct 30th from web