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kattmoff

Perfect. I've barely started on this mug of cocoa and all the marshmallows are already gone #fucktheuniverse about 18 hours ago from web
Is it me or does Bob from Sesame Street kinda look like an old lesbian? about 18 hours ago from web
RT @notjesslane: ALRIGHT TWITTER! I AM SERIOUS: Everyone ever should come to tonight's Channy Awards! 8:30pm at 92YTribeca!! about 18 hours ago from web
Maple #syrups 8:14 PM Dec 9th from web
directed a video segment for this Thursday's @Channel101NY Channy Awards, 8:30pm at @92YTribeca, so c'mon down! http://tinyurl.com/ykgp8yr 11:17 AM Dec 9th from web
Actual news headline: "Giant waves crash on Hawaii's beaches." 9:55 PM Dec 7th from web
Me too!!! RT @rickyounger: I'm not the next anybody, I'm the first and one & only Rick Younger! #BeAnOriginal 3:55 PM Dec 6th from web
Mr. Whitepants Comedy Hour, 6pm at the Creek. Featuring stand-up by @Randazzoj and @asterios. FREE! http://bit.ly/6aEmcv 7:59 AM Dec 5th from Brizzly
RT @kattmoff Anyone else hear about this Monica Lewinsky thing? Looks like Slick Willy really BLEW it this time! #classictweets 7:56 AM Dec 3rd from web
@ebertchicago shut up, ebert! 11:15 PM Dec 2nd from web in reply to ebertchicago
@robdelaney WHAAAAT?! 9:06 PM Dec 2nd from web in reply to robdelaney
Just watched 'Summer Rental.' Was it supposed to be that depressing? 8:09 PM Dec 2nd from txt
This made my day. RT @henrykaiser: @kattmoff perhaps the best straightman I've seen http://tinyurl.com/henrykaiser-s-rec 2:22 PM Dec 1st from Brizzly
Oh God, so much blood in my stool #tapewormtuesday 2:12 PM Dec 1st from web
Tweet Phillips #futurenewsanchornames 10:59 AM Dec 1st from web
For those not in-the-know, Floyd= http://twitpic.com/p2ssn 9:07 AM Dec 1st from web
How can I put this delicately? Today is the day Floyd gets his nuts sliced off. 9:06 AM Dec 1st from web
Sometimes I wonder how my life would have been different had my parents stuck to their guns and named me "Chai Flower" 10:02 AM Nov 30th from Brizzly
Why is it socially acceptable to eat peanut butter out of the jar? SInce when is peanut butter the new mayonnaise? 9:44 AM Nov 30th from web
@CaptainBecky cough back!!! 9:18 AM Nov 30th from web in reply to CaptainBecky

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Name Matt Koff
Location Brooklyn
Web http://mattkoff.com/
Bio Comedy writer-performer, Onion News Network Contributor, Pal and a Confidant

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