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josueblanco

It's hot as balls in my apartment! Not my balls. I'm keeping them cool by teabagging a Thermos filled with frozen edamame.11:55 AM Jul 6th from Tweetie
I forgot to get something for America's birthday. Anybody wanna go in on an Olive Garden gift card?11:15 AM Jul 4th from Tweetie
Just ate a pepperoni off the bathroom floor. I need my wife back before I regress any further.12:13 PM Jun 28th from Tweetie
@zingersb Congrats!5:46 PM Jun 27th from Tweetie in reply to zingersb
If anybody needs me, I'll be drinking from now till Tuesday.6:05 PM Jun 26th from Tweetie
I'm gonna miss MJ. Purple Rain was the best.4:11 PM Jun 25th from Tweetie
@scott_small He's dead, Scott. TMZ has spoken. Begin the grieving process.3:23 PM Jun 25th from Tweetie in reply to scott_small
My new therapy office is looking great! I'm now accepting clients. http://twitpic.com/8eswp2:54 PM Jun 25th from Tweetie
Nicole just mistook the Ayatollah for Dumbledore. I see the resemblance.10:35 AM Jun 24th from Tweetie
My new summer workout regimen: holding Infinite Jest with one hand.9:10 AM Jun 23rd from Birdhouse
Happy Father's Day and all. But what about the guy who convinced his wife that he's the only baby she'll ever need? Where's our day?12:54 AM Jun 21st from web
@cubanpab tweetie. Hands down.2:15 PM Jun 17th from Tweetie in reply to cubanpab
I'm sick of being called Nearly Headless Nick so I finally got my circumcision finished this weekend. Mazel Tov it like it's hot, y'all.9:06 AM Jun 14th from Birdhouse
Take that, USPS. http://twitpic.com/74frt9:11 AM Jun 11th from Tweetie
Quick, what's the traditional 2nd year anniversary gift? I'm hoping it's glandular problems because it's all I'm good for.10:21 AM Jun 10th from Tweetie
@jpaulfry look at me responding to your twitter.10:38 AM Jun 9th from Tweetie in reply to jpaulfry
Texas left me like most my women do: Sweaty and with the runs.9:24 AM Jun 8th from Tweetie
Just experienced an episode of ER on our plane. Still wasn't that entertaining.9:00 PM Jun 7th from Tweetie
Hours of playing Flight Control has given me a very rational fear of a midair collision.9:10 AM Jun 3rd from Tweetie
Headed to Austin tomorrow. Let's hope everything really is bigger in Texas LOLZ ;)!!!!!! srsly tho, I have a very tiny penis.3:55 PM Jun 2nd from Tweetie