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josueblanco

  1. It's hot as balls in my apartment! Not my balls. I'm keeping them cool by teabagging a Thermos filled with frozen edamame.
  2. I forgot to get something for America's birthday. Anybody wanna go in on an Olive Garden gift card?
  3. Just ate a pepperoni off the bathroom floor. I need my wife back before I regress any further.
  4. @zingersb Congrats!
  5. If anybody needs me, I'll be drinking from now till Tuesday.
  6. I'm gonna miss MJ. Purple Rain was the best.
  7. @scott_small He's dead, Scott. TMZ has spoken. Begin the grieving process.
  8. My new therapy office is looking great! I'm now accepting clients. http://twitpic.com/8eswp
  9. Nicole just mistook the Ayatollah for Dumbledore. I see the resemblance.
  10. My new summer workout regimen: holding Infinite Jest with one hand.
  11. Happy Father's Day and all. But what about the guy who convinced his wife that he's the only baby she'll ever need? Where's our day?
  12. @cubanpab tweetie. Hands down.
  13. I'm sick of being called Nearly Headless Nick so I finally got my circumcision finished this weekend. Mazel Tov it like it's hot, y'all.
  14. Take that, USPS. http://twitpic.com/74frt
  15. Quick, what's the traditional 2nd year anniversary gift? I'm hoping it's glandular problems because it's all I'm good for.
  16. @jpaulfry look at me responding to your twitter.
  17. Texas left me like most my women do: Sweaty and with the runs.
  18. Just experienced an episode of ER on our plane. Still wasn't that entertaining.
  19. Hours of playing Flight Control has given me a very rational fear of a midair collision.
  20. Headed to Austin tomorrow. Let's hope everything really is bigger in Texas LOLZ ;)!!!!!! srsly tho, I have a very tiny penis.