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joshua_allen

  1. I don't care how great it is, I don't ever want to be "elbow deep" in anything. 10:49 AM Nov 19th from web
  2. The grease stain on this Big Mac container looks just like the Virgin Mary giving me a thumbs up for my awesome life decisions. 9:44 AM Nov 18th from web
  3. Take a breath! Think of how silly you'd feel if you died while telling me the boringest story I've ever heard about anyone's roommate! 4:52 PM Nov 17th from web
  4. You know when your pants fall down in Taco Bell and you just stand there and let everyone deal with it? You know when that happens? 10:30 AM Nov 16th from web
  5. you really H1N1'd that PowerPoint, way to go 7:08 AM Nov 16th from web
  6. Just wrote "raped on the face" instead of "raped in the face." I bet this is how Benjamin Franklin felt when he invented physics! 2:15 PM Nov 13th from web
  7. I wish New Moon was coming out on Monday. 2:10 PM Nov 12th from web
  8. just got back from black twitter 4:55 PM Nov 10th from Tweetie
  9. my version of @shitmydadsays would go like: [years of angry silence lol] 2:07 PM Nov 10th from web
  10. if I said you had an r. crumb ass would you hold it against me // anyway, i feel sad today about my achievements 1:23 PM Nov 9th from web
  11. I'd like to kick off my eulogy with a song ONE TWO THREE AND TO THE FO / SNOOP DOGGY DOGG AND DR DRE IS AT THE DO, NANA 9:34 AM Nov 9th from web
  12. This is probably the gayest thong I've ever -- omg I meant THING lol Freudian typo! 7:15 AM Nov 9th from Birdhouse
  13. TERRIBLE INCIDENT IN THE WALMART LADIES ROOM j/k just trying to liven up my memoirs 8:28 PM Nov 8th from Birdhouse
  14. These Target cargo shorts certainly flatter my camel toe! 7:48 PM Nov 8th from Tweetie
  15. They know me at Chipotle now. I just walk in and they hand me a 64oz cup of sour cream topped with pinto beans that spell out SUPER PUBES 7:19 PM Nov 8th from Tweetie
  16. Sometimes I think my chauffeur thinks I'm a dick :( 10:48 AM Nov 8th from web
  17. FREE IDEA Bluetooth earpiece that looks like Wrath of Khan mind control ear monster U R WELCOME 4:48 PM Nov 6th from Tweetie
  18. FUDGESICLE! FUDGESICLE! I WANT TO RIDE MY FUDGESICLE I WANT TO RIDE IT WHERE I LIKE 4:32 PM Nov 6th from Tweetie