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joselynhughes

  1. why aren't 2 hrs. of Jersey Shore enough? why wasn't i born into this culture? i'm so confused.
  2. My friend told me my Chicago accent comes out only when I'm drunk. I said, "So like everyday?" #drunkjokes #notthatfunny #reallifeisntfunny
  3. friend holding box of chocolates: "this smells like halloween!" me: "you mean candy. it smells like candy."
  4. if we call the top of our mouths "roofs," we should call our tongues "floors" or "driveways." seems only fair. a little mouth house.
  5. french bread, why you gotta be so delicious but rip apart the roof of my mouth? you playin' games and ish.
  6. @SamGrittner yes! and follow @samgrittner, everyone! wheee!
  7. sharks with human teeth! http://i.imgur.com/MpUyV.jpg
  8. He thinks it's funnier than it really is. I mean, squirrels. Am I right!? http://tweetphoto.com/5801267
  9. I just told Jones a great joke. http://tweetphoto.com/5801096
  10. We miss you in LA @nottjmiller! http://tweetphoto.com/5792907
  11. should i buy my niece a tiny pink vaccum for christmas or just crush her dreams with words?
  12. Go to this. RT @mike_burns_ Midwestern Nightmares @ UCB 6:30 tonight. I'm totally gonna swear.
  13. i miss nyc comedy. RT @offbookbeatbox I <3 nyc comedy. thanx @comixny
  14. I want to be a professional ghosthunter so I can get paid to sit in the dark and say, "What the fuck was that?!"
  15. i've never seen a wild hamster. unless you count the one wearing a leather jacket w mohawk i saw yesterday. but he was in a pet store.
  16. no one runs a marathon to win; they run marathons so they can tell people they've run marathons. that's it.
  17. @SaraJBenincasa i wish
  18. one of my fave things in a long time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTxZBm70dSo&feature=player_embedded
  19. @mametown and @film114 yeah, you bet your ass this is about Linda.
  20. @TheMaskedBandit umm please send these things to me when you find them. FRIENDSHIP!